An Innate Attraction
by anothertwilightblog
Summary: When Beatrice Abbott moves to Alaska she has no idea how much her life will change. She soon meets the Cullen family, who have more to them than their good looks and family bonds. When she develops feelings for the stunningly handsome Jasper Hale and grows closer to him she decides that she does not want the same fate as his family to behold her. But does life ever go as planned?
1. Chapter 1

Being a college student is hard enough. Pulling all-nighters, trying to make friends, and a never ending work load, but if you add the fact that you're studying in a foreign country, completely alone and barely able to afford enough food to live off, then you'll understand the situation I'm in right now.

Today is my first day at the University of Alaska, having moved from Coventry in England last week. I'm still not quite sure how I managed to convince my parents to let me leave, but I have a feeling that lying about how much financial support I'd be given by the university might have helped… But here I was, ready to start anew in a new country, hoping that for once people might actually like me for who I am.

I shook the negative thoughts of high school back in England out of my head, not wanting to taint the day before it even started, and turned to check my reflection in the mirror before I left my dorm.

I'm not vain, but I know that first impressions mean a lot, and I was taking every chance I could to fit in. My auburn hair fell just below my chest in waves, and my makeup was still looking okay. The red lipstick was the focus point, and I felt so much more confident because of it. I wasn't sure if I was too overdressed, in a black mini skirt, cream jumper and knee high boots, but there was no way of knowing until I saw everyone else who was in my classes. The thought of being surrounded by so many people for so long made my palms go clammy, and my stomach cramp up with anxiety, reminding me that I hadn't taken my anxiety medication for the day. Like it ever made any difference. I knew that the longer I stayed in my room worrying, the less likely I was to make it through the day, so I convinced myself to to grab my leather jacket and rucksack and leave. Not taking a chance to second guess myself.

The walk to campus was pleasant, the cool air of late summer Alaska refreshing, reminding me of home, and putting a bounce in my step. The building I would be spending the next four years in loomed over me, but I checked my watch and saw I still had 40 minutes until induction started, and instead decided to grab a cup of coffee and breathe in the fresh air some more before I was trapped inside for the next four hours.

The sun didn't shine today, it never seemed to here as I quickly found out, but it didn't bother me. It just means I don't have to worry about sunburn I guess. I took a huge gulp of the boiling coffee, realising too late that I had burnt my tongue, but I suddenly forgot the pain when my eyes landed on a small girl, tiny, even, with short, almost black hair, in a cropped pixie cut, her skin the same paper white as mine, and eyes that could only be described as… amber? As I took in what she was wearing I suddenly didn't feel overdressed, with her lilac mini dress, platform boots and black knee length coat. But it wasn't her outfit that entranced me, it was her almost ethereal beauty. I'd never seen anyone quite like her, her pixie-esque features were magnificent, and left me breathless. I could feel a crush developing already, but only an insane person couldn't find her so attractive. I wondered to myself if she was in a relationship, before realising that I wouldn't stand a chance anyway, and decided that friendship would be a good compromise. And then I did something very unlike myself, and grabbed my bag in one hand, and my coffee in the other, and walked straight over to the stunningly beautiful girl who was stood by herself, typing away on her phone, and she looked up as I was a few meters away, immediately smiling at me, which, you know, can't be a bad sign?

I smiled back, for some reason already feeling more comfortable with this girl than I had with most people I met in life.

"Hi, I'm Beatrice, sorry if it's weird I just walked over to you, but I don't know anyone and you seemed really nice."

The girl smiled even wider, "Nice to meet you Beatrice, I'm Alice, and don't worry about it, I'm always happy to make a new friend. Is that an English accent I detect?" she questioned.

I blushed slightly at the question, not quite sure as to why, and replied "Yeah, born and bred, just moved here last week."

"My father is from England too! But he's been here a while…"

I wondered to myself why Alice didn't show any signs of an English accent when she talked, when, as if she'd read my mind, she added "I say father, he adopted me and my siblings from a young age, so we all have American accents. Oh, the bell for our first class of the day is about to go, are you in room 209 too?"

I nodded, incredibly relieved to already have made a friend who was in my class. We turned to the main building, just as the bell rang, like Alice had predicted, and we made our way up the steps to the old stone building.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Alice continued, "My family consists of me, my biological brothers Edward and Emmett, Bella and Renesmee are my 'mothers' nieces, Jacob is Renesmee's boyfriend" The tiny girl took a huge breath as she took in my shocked expression before finishing the list, "... and then Rosalie is Emmett's girlfriend, and Jasper here, is her twin brother." Alice finished her seemingly never ending list with a flourish, and I barely had time to comprehend how much work it must be for Mr and Mrs Cullen to care for _nine_ teenagers, when I first saw Jasper. He must have approached while I was distracted listening to his family tree, because he was suddenly right beside Alice. My breath caught in my throat. He was… beautiful didn't seem like the right word, he was so much more than that. He shared his adopted sister's golden eyes and sheet white complexion, but he had honey blonde hair that reached his jawline, emphasising his impressive bone structure. Jasper was far taller than Alice, and maybe five inches taller than I was, and he was slim, but definitely toned and muscular. Basically, he was perfect.

I composed myself after a few seconds of staring at the inhuman beauty in front of me and held out my hand to shake his, somehow managing to introduce myself.

"Hi, I'm Beatrice, nice to meet you!" Jasper smiled slightly in reply, and took my hand hesitantly, for the shortest of touches, and said "Nice to meet you Beatrice, I hope Alice hasn't been annoying you too much?"

I was silent for a split second, shocked by the coldness of Jasper's hand, before realising that of course it would be cold, we were in Alaska and unlike myself, Jasper wasn't clutching a cup of coffee to warm his hands against the chill.

Alice made a sound of indignation and punched Jasper on his arm, but the boy didn't even flinch, just grinned down at his friend.

We walked together to our class, as it transpired that Jasper would be joining us for our first session of still life drawing, and when we entered the class room, I realised that they weren't the only members of their family that I would be meeting today. The woman who stood at the front of the classroom smiled warmly to the two, and was no doubt one of them, with the exact same skin colour and eyes again, this time with caramel curls that fell just below her shoulders. How peculiar that they were adopted yet all shared the same features.

 _Maybe amber eyes are just more common here in America_. I thought to myself. And afterall, how could I question their complexion when I too shared the exact same shade of ice white.

I took a seat behind an easel, with Jasper to one side of me and Alice on the other. Other students stared as they entered, clearly as entranced by the three as I was, and like me, they were probably wondering why I was sat with them.

Once everyone had sat down the professor stood to introduce herself as Mrs Cullen "But please, call me Esme!", and that's when I realised that Esme was not one of the Cullen siblings, but she was their adopted mother. When Alice had said her parents had adopted young I didn't realise how true that was.

As Esme introduced the module and what it would entail I couldn't help but let my eyes wander to the boy next to me, somehow hyper aware of our proximity, and two out of the five times I glanced at him I saw him watching me too.

There was no way I could not feel flattered at his attention, but I knew it was in no way justified, there was no way he would _actually_ find me attractive. He was probably just confused as to why Alice was talking to me, or why I was here at all in Alaska at all and with no friends. As I started to second guess myself I felt panic rising up in me, and knew that an anxiety attack was imminent as I tried to control the feeling of fear, but then a wave of calmness washed over me. I was completely thrown off balance. What happened? My anxiety never just disappears, it normally stays until I've escaped and ran back home to curl up in my bed and hate myself for being so weak. I didn't like this new sensation; it felt unnatural. I was so used to how my anxiety acted that I was now at a loss, knowing that this wasn't normal.

Jasper was now intently staring at me, perhaps he'd noticed my internal freak-out and was wondering what on earth was going through my mind. And then the bell rang, and I couldn't believe a whole hour had passed whilst I had contemplated my anxiety and sudden lack thereof. Nevertheless I packed up my notepad and picked my bag up off the floor, and went to leave before Alice's firm grip stopped me from walking out the door. Turning back around I saw Jasper and Alice grinning at Esme, clearly proud of her for her lesson today. She was thanking them for their kind comments when she drew her attention to me, and her smile widened as she took me in.

"Beatrice, right? Nice to meet you. How did you find my first class? I hope my children have been behaving?"

"It was great, I can't wait to actually start drawing, it seems like you really know what you're on about!" I praised Esme, seeing that she was clearly nervous about her first day at the university. "Thank you Beatrice, that's so kind of you. I'm glad Alice and Jasper have befriended someone so lovely." She beamed. And I truly believed what she said, feeling a warmth and maternal feeling radiate from her.

"We need to get going Mom, we've got a quick break and then our next class, but we'll meet you at the end of the day." Jasper interjected, and I smiled at Esme and stepped backwards to leave, and then out of nowhere Alice shouted 'Jazz, don't!" before I stumbled over the leg of the easel to the left of me, and fell backwards with no way of stopping myself, my hand grabbing at the shelf next to me, pulling the whole rack of glass vases on top of myself, my head hitting the desk behind me with a crack, and then nothing. Blackness. The last thing I remember was Jasper pushing the shelf out of my way with an inhuman quickness, and in the process protecting me from the glass that would have sliced my skin.

 **Please leave me a comment if you're enjoying my story :) I own no characters apart from Beatrice. All rights belong to Stephanie Meyer.**


	2. Chapter 2

The beeping of something to the right of me is the first thing I register. And then the cold fingers of someone probing my hand gently. My eyes flickered open, taking in the pristine hospital room I was in, and the blond haired doctor stood over me, a sympathetic look on his face. He could have been a model, why he was spending his days in a hospital in England was beyond me.

"How are you feeling Beatrice?" I groaned when I suddenly felt the pain at the back of my head, a throbbing sensation that had gone unnoticed until the doctor questioned it.

"I'll take that as not good" He laughed, sounding more like a melody to a beautiful song compared to how I laugh. "Esme said you took quite the tumble, and on your first day too. You remind me of one of my daughters." he said, chuckling to himself.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, and everything suddenly rushed back to me, at the same time as the blood rushed to my cheeks. I'd fallen in front of my new friends and their mother… which means… Alice and Jaspers' adopted father was a doctor. Brilliant.

"They were all very worried about you, it's a good thing they were there else you might still be lying on the classroom floor unconscious." Dr Cullen had a look on his face I didn't recognise, a mixture of sympathy, kindness and… a third emotion I couldn't place.

I then remembered the glass vases and heavy wooden shelf I'd brought down on myself, sitting up too quickly to inspect the wounds I'd received. My head was spinning and the throbbing would not relent, but that didn't confuse me enough to not see the clear lack of marks over my body. There was nothing, not even the slightest scratch.

"The glass… the shelf? It fell on me… I watched it fall?" I knew I sounded stupid but I was _positive_ that shelf had been headed straight for me…

Dr Cullen's face remained composed as he observed my panic and tried to gently lay me down on the bed.

"Jasper reacted quickly when he saw the shelf had come loose and blocked the impact, he was stood right by you so it was a reflex action. You were very lucky, but there's no need to panic, no blood was drawn." He assured me, looking down at his clipboard and writing something down that I couldn't see. His face was incredibly confused, for the smallest instant. And then it was composed again, like I'd imagined the whole thing.

"Why would I panic? It's only a bit of blood, not exactly life or death if I get a few cuts is it?" I never had a problem with blood, it was only a natural part of being a human after all. In fact, as a child I had a weird fascination with it. Whenever another kid cut themselves when they fell I'd stare at them, intrigued by the substance. But I soon realised this was not normal behaviour, and quickly learned to distance myself from the desire to examine every injury I came across.

Dr Cullen cleared his throat and looked at me again.

"Well, yes, of course. Some people just struggle with too much blood I guess. Anyway. Jasper and Alice are waiting to take you home but I'm afraid I'm going to have to keep you here overnight to keep an eye on your concussion."

Alice and Jasper had waited for me? I felt myself becoming emotional at the thought. No one had ever cared about me enough to wait in a hospital for nearly an entire day, the dark sky outside my window indicating that a lot of time had passed since the accident. Being unconscious for that long cannot be good.

"Can I see them please? To thank them." Dr Cullen nodded.

"Of course Beatrice, I'll send them in."

"Oh and Dr Cullen, can you thank Esme for me too?" He smiled at the mention of his wife, "She'll be delighted to hear you're doing okay. And please, call me Carlisle. I feel like we'll be seeing you a lot if Alice and Jasper have anything to say about it."

A minute after Carlisle left the room Jasper came in, Alice nowhere to be seen.

"How are you?" he asked as he took a seat in the seat beside my bed.

"Tired. Achey. And cold…" I shivered as I said the final word, reinforcing the fact that the room was almost as cold as my dorm. Before I could object Jasper was shrugging off his jumper and handing it to me, without saying I word. I shook my head in reply, "Jasper I can't take your jumper, you'll freeze out there. He smirked to himself and didn't move his hand, jumper still clutched loosely in his pale hand.

"Beatrice, if you don't put it on I will make you." Something about the way he said it made me realise that he wasn't joking, so I took the dark gray jumper from him, and pulled it over my head, and the scent of him overwhelmed me. Hints of honey, whisky, and some sort of wildflower that made up the most intoxicating scent. Why did he smell so good to me? Wearing his jumper immediately relaxed me, and Jasper smiled, clearly sensing my newfound comfort.

I felt my attraction to him swelling in my chest, and quickly pushed the feeling deep down inside of me, knowing that I didn't even want a relationship. Not that he'd ever look at me that way anyway. Just then Alice walked in, gracefully running over and enveloping me in a cold hug. "Oh Beatrice! We were so worried, I couldn't see- I mean, I couldn't tell if you were going to be alright or not, it was terrifying. I could tell from the moment you introduced yourself that we'd be friends for a long time. Don't ever do that to me again!"

I flinched at Alice's sudden serious.

"I'm sorry Alice… I think I was just overwhelmed by everything. I'm not normally a clumsy person at all. But I'm okay. Carlisle wants to keep my overnight though… Hopefully I can leave tomorrow. At least I have food here, I'm already struggling to afford it." I laughed at the fact that there was at least two good things to come out of my fall: Jasper's jumper and a hot meal.

"What do you mean? You can't afford food?" Jasper was inexplicably suddenly concerned at my flippant comment, rising to his feet as he questioned me.

"It's just a joke Jasper, poor student who struggles to get by, you know?" But he clearly didn't understand, his family were clearly very well off, evident from the cashmere jumper he'd lent me.

He still seemed unsure, and Alice was seemingly thinking to herself, he eyes distant and not paying attention to me.

"Well, you should make sure you're eating enough, it's not healthy to skip meals. I rolled my eyes at his apparent concern.

"Calm down, like I said, it was a joke, I eat plenty!" His eyes roamed up and down my body as I lay in the polyester sheets, clearly not believing me. It's not like I chose to miss out on food because I wanted to, I just couldn't afford three meals a day. Big deal.

Alice suddenly snapped back to reality, her face masking clear concern, but for what I couldn't say.

"Hey, Beatrice, I'm gonna bring you some clothes tomorrow so you have something fresh to wear instead of Jasper's smelly clothes!" The fact that anyone could consider Jasper's clothes unpleasant baffled me, his jumper smelled incredible.

"Can I give you my dorm key so you can get in?" I asked, not wanting to make her life more difficult than I'd already made it.

"Oh no don't worry, I won't need it. Okay, we need to go, we're going to miss dinner… and you know how you get when you're hungry Jazz." Jasper nodded silently too her, and then turned to me. "Take care of yourself while we're gone Beatrice. Eat up." He pushed my tray towards me and went to leave before I said his name, stopping him.

"Jasper… I just wanted to say thank you. For stopping me get hurt anymore than I was." He smiled softly.

"It's fine. Not a big deal. Just get some rest darlin'." and he was gone.

His slight southern accent rang in my ears, he called me darlin'. I bet he called all the girls darlin'. Just a polite thing to do.

 _He will never like you, just leave it before you regret ruining your friendship._

It was in that moment that I decided I couldn't think of Jasper as anything other than a friend. I couldn't risk losing him or Alice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to everyone who has read my story so far, I really appreciate your support. I just want to make a disclaimer that all characters apart from Beatrice belong to Stephanie Meyer, and I do not claim otherwise. Not much happens in this chapter but I promise it'll get more interesting in the next one.**

When I woke up the next morning Alice was sat in the chair beside my bed, seemingly waiting for me to wake up.

"Oh good, you're awake!" she exclaimed, "Carlisle says you're good to be discharged and you can come in to college today. Here are some clothes for you." she handed me over a neatly folded pile of clothing and then continued "My brother Edward is driving us in today, and Bella is with him too. They're kind of inseperable. But I think you'll like her." I smiled at the far too happy girl, it was only seven in the morning, no one should be this happy so early in the day.

I got changed, still half asleep, and then looked in the small mirror that was in the hospital room, realising that the clothes Alice had brought me fit me perfectly.

"Alice, whose clothes are these?" I asked. She grinned brightly, and said "Yours of course. I ran out to do a quick clothes shop for you last night so you'd look as great today as you did yesterday. Your makeup is in the car if you want to put some on."

I was at least thankful for that, knowing I probably looked awful from such a bad night's sleep. The outfit Alice had picked was clearly not just some cheap items from Target, but designer branded, with a black slim fit pinafore dress, pale pink frilled blouse and black heels. The selection was slightly out of my comfort zone, but I couldn't deny that it suited me.

"You shouldn't have Alice…"

"Nonsense! You're my friend and I wanted to help you! Now come on, Edward and Bella are waiting and Bella gets all twitchy if she's late for anything." And with that the small yet surprisingly strong girl dragged me out of the room and straight past the front desk, waving at her father as we exited the hospital.

By this point I'd come to expect the topaz eyes and pale skin of the Cullens, and Bella and Edward were no exception. Bella was beautiful, obviously, with waist length chocolate brown hair and wide eyes, the only discernible detail that indicated that she was in fact a real person and not some ideological example of a perfect woman was the minute difference in her lips, one slightly smaller than the other.

As for Edward, he had tousled red-brown hair, and a killer jawline, but his lanky body and tight set mouth didn't attract me the way Jasper did. He was pretty… but not my type. Edward smirked to himself as I got into the back seat with Alice, who introduced me to the two, and I noticed they were holding hands, clearly another couple within the family. Which meant that everyone had a partner… apart from Alice and Jasper. For some reason this bugged me. I know that I didn't want Jasper like that, a relationship would just be too much with college, but being around so many couples all the time would surely start to rub you the wrong way…

Bella awkwardly introduced herself, clearly not particularly comfortable with meeting me, but Edward was somehow more uncomfortable. He barely glanced at me when Alice introduced us, and the look he did give me made me shrink back into my seat, realising promptly that he really did not want me in his car. Which stung. But in all honesty, I was used to it. What's one more person to add to a long list?

I decided to distract myself as the car raced forward, far too fast for my liking, but knowing better than to voice this opinion in front of Edward.

"Where's Jazz, Alice?" I whispered, not wanting the two in the front to hear me.

Alice whispered back, clearly understanding my worry.

"He doesn't ride in with us, he rides his motorcycle. Rose and Emmett drive in separately too. And apparently we'll have to start doing the same unless my brother decides to learn some manners!" The way she said this was too quiet for Edward to hear, yet he still gripped the wheel tighter, indicating that we perhaps had not been quiet enough.

The awkward car journey was thankfully over quickly due to Edward's slightly too fast driving, and I've never been more eager to escape from a car. Bella saw my discomfort and walked towards me, an apologetic smile on her face.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse Edward, he's just very weird around new people." I knew she was lying, she was an awful liar, but I smiled in reply to alleviate some of the awkward tension.

"It's fine, it's his car, he doesn't have to be nice to me." I replied. She took one more glance at me before nodding her head and taking a step to leave, before saying "Don't worry, he didn't like me when we first met, and now he can't live without me." and then she ran off to catch up with my unwilling chauffeur, leaving me and Alice alone once more.

We weren't alone for too long though, because Jasper then roared up to us on his black motorcycle, before parking up and walking over to us. The sight of him on a motorbike was much hotter than I had expected.

"Morning, you're looking better Bea." He said as he smiled at us both. I wanted to cringe at the nickname, but for some reason it sounded kind of… sweet, coming from Jasper's mouth.

"Yeah I'm feeling much better. Thank you for your jumper yesterday." I held out the jumper to him after reaching inside his bag, but he simply shook his head, a smile gracing his lips.

"You keep it, it gets pretty cold here and I think I can handle it a bit better than you." I wanted to protest, but it was a warm jumper and it still smelt of him, so I bit my tongue and pushed it back into my bag.

"Come on, we can't miss our first class, Esme will be ruthless if we are late. And this time Beatrice, try not to cause anymore trips to the hospital" Alice grinned at me. I smiled back at her joke, and the three of us made our way into the building, my two best friends already making my college experience so much more bearable. Even if their sibling hated me. I just hoped the others didn't share his animosity towards me.

Our classes went smoothly today, the only indication of my incident was Jasper's worried glances, and Alice's somewhat questioning looks towards me. Maybe she was just worried I was going to fall again.

I tried to tell her that I was actually a very coordinated person, I was even on the athletics team in high school for not on but three different sports. But she didn't seem too concerned about my actually athletic abilities.

"Seriously Alice, I was faster than all the guys at my school and I didn't trip even once during high school." That caught her attention. Her head spun to me.

"How fast is fast?" Instead of seeming impressed she was slightly on edge. I wondered if she was also a runner and felt threatened.

"Put it this way Al, I was asked to train for the Olympics when I was 13 but my mum wouldn't let me. No idea why." I expected some reply from Alice, but she was silent. That made a change.

"Just ignore Alice, she always asks really random questions." Jasper said in an attempt to reassure me, but it didn't work. I could see the slight hint of concern on his face.

 _What on Earth have I done wrong now?_

He rubbed my arm, trying to ease some of my tension from the weird interrogation. The sensation sent tingles around my whole body. That was weird. Regardless, I lent my head on Jasper's shoulder, needing the contact. Jasper froze for a split second, and the relaxed. He didn't shy away from me like he would have yesterday, but wrapped his arm around me and continued to rub my arm to soothe me, my head still pounding from when I hit it. The feeling of being in his arms felt so right, and I was so glad he was such a good friend to me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Because the last chapter was so boring I decided to do a double upload. Thank you to everyone who has left me feedback, I appreciate it so much. Slight trigger warning, weight loss and talk of not eating. No actual ED but might be too much for those who don't want to read about weight.**

The next month had passed with no incidents, proving that my accident had been nothing more than a freakish fluke, even though the whole Cullen family watched me with mild worry every second they spent with me.

I'd grown closer to Alice and Jasper during this time, even meeting Rosalie and Emmett, both were pleasant towards me. Emmett even greeting me with a big bear-hug, as his girlfriend smiled at me, which was a relief. I don't think I could cope if another Cullen hated me the way Edward did. He still refused to speak a word to me, and Bella's apologetic looks we're starting to annoy me now. She shouldn't have to make up for her boyfriend's rude behaviour.

The definite highlight of the past four weeks was the lunch breaks I spent with Alice, Esme and Jasper in Esme's art studio classroom. Esme was like a surrogate mother to me, never being anything but loving to me. She made me feel like a part of their huge family.

Which is why I wasn't too surprised when she asked me to stay behind one afternoon with Jasper, as Alice wandered off to meet up with Bella.

"Beatrice, I need you to sit down for a second. You're not in trouble, we just want to talk to you in private." Esme prompted.

My mind reeled, immediately panicking at what it could be they both needed to talk to me about. My palms started to grow sweaty again, and then, as had happened every time I started to experience an anxiety attack these past few weeks, the feeling was gone again. I still hated when this happened, but I was starting to get used to it now.

"I was just wondering…" Esme looked unsure of how to word what she was going to say, but Jasper took over for her, clearly not wanting her to be uncomfortable.

"Beatrice, we know you're struggling with your… finances. But we're slightly worried that you're not, um, able to afford enough food for a healthy diet."

I was shocked. How dare they? How can they sit me down and question my financial situation and whether I'm eating enough?! Jasper immediately recognised my outrage and tried to justify himself.

"We're not trying to be rude Bea, we're worried about you!"

"It's true hunny. You've lost a noticeable amount of weight even while we've known you. It's not safe. If you need money we can give you some."

I laughed, and I knew I was being rude, but I was too upset and embarrassed to care. It's not like I went out of my way questioning why they were always frozen cold to the touch, why they sometimes moved almost _too_ quickly. Not enough for the average person to notice, but I knew Jasper and Alice enough to notice it.

"Like you guys can speak. You go around acting like you're all just like the rest of us, but that's not true is it. You're not normal are you." I didn't question them, I knew I was right. And their faces were suddenly _too_ composed. A mask of fake smiles and confusion.

"Beatrice, I don't know-"

I interrupted Esme before she could lie to me. I saved her the low move.

"Whatever. You can keep your charity. Thanks." And with that I stormed out of the room. Tears starting to flow down my cheeks.

I ran home, barely even out of breath after running the 10 minute journey in heels, suddenly resenting the clothes Alice had bought me, not realising it was all just charity the entire time.

I slammed into my dorm door, pushing it open with more force than I'd intended in my rage.

Once the door was closed and locked I threw my bag down and yanked my heels off my aching feet. Tears were still streaming down my face and I didn't even care if I was overreacting, I had every right to.

 _Stupid bloody Cullens with their perfect faces and lives. Of course they wouldn't consider how it'd feel for them to question my looks when they are oh so perfect. I looked fine. I'd lost some weight yes. But that's normal. I looked fine._

I hastily took off my clothes, staring at myself in the mirror. _Oh._

I took in my underwear clad form in my full night mirror for the first proper time in the month I'd known Jasper and Alice. My hip bones stuck out too much… my ribs more pronounced than ever. I checked the label in the clothes Alice had bought. They were two whole sizes smaller than all my old clothes. With Alice shopping for me I hadn't noticed the change in sizes.

I'd been so preoccupied with my new found friendship and getting the highest scores I could in my work that I hadn't even noticed that I have been losing far too much weight, even though I've not intended to. And I still couldn't afford to eat a balanced diet regardless.

When I started to think more about why exactly I'd lost so much weight I realised that I hadn't been eating when I was at college, but neither had Jasper or Alice, or even Esme. I spent every lunch time with them and not one bad they eaten.

Too many things were not adding up about that family.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Who the fuck wanted me? No one ever knocked on for me apart from Alice when she came to pick me up every morning, apart from the odd day when the whole family took random days off to go camping.

I threw on an oversized t shirt, before Jasper's voice stopped me in the tracks.

"Let me in Bea. I'm sorry. Please let me talk to you." Sighing I pulled open the door, already feeling foolish for my rude outburst.

"Bea thank you, I didn't mean to-"

Jasper stopped mid-sentence, and his eyes roamed up and down me, and I realised I was only wearing my large top, and nothing more. But he didn't look puzzled. His face showed that he was… lustful? What the fuck. That can't be right. I subconsciously pulled at the hem of my shirt, feeling so self conscious under his watchful eye.

"Jazz?"

He snapped out of his trance, licking his lips once. Jesus Christ that was hot.

"Sorry Bea. I, um, I was just worried about you. Esme already sees you as a daughter, she only wanted to try and help you. We don't see you as a charity cause at all. We all care for you." Jasper said sincerely, and his eyes bore into mine, and a wave of trust washed over me. But his eyes changed focus, to look at something behind me. I followed his eyesight to the picture of my grandfather, a beautiful portrait of him and my grandma, a month before she became pregnant with my mother.

"Beatrice, who is this?" He questioned in a voice I'd never heard him use before. It was almost militaristic.

My brow furrowed at his change of mood. "They're my grandparents, it's the only photo I have of my grandad. He died a few days after my grandma became pregnant. Isn't he so handsome? I think that's where I get my pale skin from." I smiled wistfully at the beautiful man who I never met.

"Beatrice, I'm so sorry but we need to go to my house to see Carlisle. Can I take this? I'll explain why on the way, get dressed, I'll wait downstairs." Everything jasper said was an order, I knew I had no choice and that scared me. He grabbed the photo of my grandparents and left the room, not waiting for a reply from me.

Two minutes later I was outside, Jasper sat on his motorbike, gesturing for me to put on his only helmet.

"Won't you need one?" I asked, not wanting him to get hurt, even if he was scaring the shit out of me.

"I'll be fine. Trust me."

And with that he sped off at an alarming speed, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, clinging onto his toned body for my life.


	5. Chapter 5

The journey to the Cullen's house was exhilarating, my eyes scarcely able to take in the scenery around us as Jasper raced down winding roads, until we came to a road leading through a dense forest, the incline increasing. I clutched Jasper's torso even tighter, probably making it difficult for him to breathe, but he made no complaints. We soon pulled up on a smooth, long driveway.

When we arrived at the Cullen household I was overwhelmed. I'd not been invited to visit yet, they were strangely private about where they lived, and I could see why. The house was huge, and so open inside. And there was me living in a dingy dorm room on campus.

Jasper practically sprinted up the steps to the house, not waiting for me to follow him, as he knew full well that I would. Inside Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Edward were waiting for this.

 _What the hell is going on._

"Show us the portrait Jasper." Carlisle ordered, his voice no different than if he were at work.

He glanced at the photo in disbelief, and Edward growled. He actually growled. Out loud.

 _What the fuck was that._

His eyes shot up to glare at me and he growled again. I shivered at the feeling it sent through me. I was terrified.

"Edward!" Jasper and Esme scolded in unison. He looked ashamed but kept his eyes on me. There was animosity in his, but I'm positive I could see something more. Something he was trying too hard to hide from me. He broke eye contact and stared back down at the portrait, now avoiding my gaze.

I felt myself feel less scared and tense, but I still wanted to know what was happening.

"That's him." Carlisle confirmed whatever Jasper had thought when he saw the portrait.

"Can someone _please_ tell me what's going on?!" I interrupted their intense staring at the photo. This was just getting too weird for me.

"Oh Beatrice, I'm so sorry. I need you to come and sit down for me. This is going to be a long night but we need to talk to you." Carlisle tried to reassure me. I glanced at Jasper, and felt more calmness fill my body. Thank god, else I'd be having the mother of all panic attacks right now.

"No!" Edward shouted, loud enough for Rosalie and Bella to suddenly appear at the top of the stairs, staring down in shock. I don't knew when they'd gotten there.

"Don't do this Carlisle! Rose, tell him he's making a mistake!" He pleaded, practically snarling as he said the words.

Rosalie shook her head slowly, "I'm sorry brother, she needs to know. This is different to Bella."

Different to Bella? What is? What the fuck is happening right now.

I wasn't quite sure what Rosalie meant. Of course Bella and I were different. Her and Rose are a formidable force when they walk around campus together, every boy and girl, and even the odd professor, can't help but turn and stare at them. You can tell Rosalie is used to it, she almost brushes off the attention, only having eyes for her brawny boyfriend. But Bella, Bella seems unsure of herself. Like this is all new to her. Even when she's was beautiful as she was, she didn't want the attention. Her and Rosalie seemed close, like actual sisters. The dynamic between Bella and Alice was different, more like those best friends who were raised together and knew they'd always be there for each other. Regardless, all of the Cullens clearly shared the strongest of bonds, one you rarely even see in biological families.

My family, for example were nowhere near as close. My Mother loved me, but she didn't love my father. I knew they were only together for my little sister Chloe, and they barely tried to hide it anymore. So I withdrew from the family, avoiding games night, watching tv in my room, and trying so hard at night to sleep as they screamed and yelled through the night.

I think that's when my anxiety started to manifest itself. I had nowhere safe. My house was full of lies and flimsy pretences, and then school… school wasn't too bad. Until my 'friends' decided I was too annoying to be around, clearly not seeing that my homelife was making life too difficult for me, so I was then alone in all aspects of my life.

Then I found the Cullens, who liked me just as I was. Who were now so desperate to tell me something that would clearly ruin everything.

My shaky legs had drawn me closer to the couch whilst I had contemplated, and I sat down, Jasper immediately by my side. Alice and Esme still stood, as Edward stormed out of the room, a loud crash following seconds later, echoing through the open house. Even more surprisingly, Rosalie came down the stairs to sit next to me, and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, something I never expected her to do. She was always so cool and distant, I thought a smile would be the most I'd get from her. It must be serious if Rosalie is trying to help.

I looked around at these people I'd known for only a month. Were they going to leave me? Had they decided that my rude outburst was too much and want me to leave them alone? But that still doesn't explain the portrait.

"Beatrice. This is not going to be easy, or believable, but I need you to listen to me, and I need you to trust me. Can you do that?" Carlisle spoke in his clinical manner. This was more serious than I thought.

"Beatrice. Our family, my children, we're not like you. You know that Esme and I adopted our children at a very young age, but there's a reason why. Our kind tend not to live together as we do" Our kind? "But we live differently to others. We're a family. We're… we're vampires. And so was your grandfather."

 **Okay so I want to answer some questions for Seraphine because she's left me questions on every chapter an I appreciate that so much! Some I'm not going to answer because they will be answered later on :)**

 **In regards to Beatrice's anxiety, I'm trying to base it off my own anxiety without making it specific to what triggers me, because mine can be so bad I struggle to leave the house, and I don't want that for Beatrice. As for the 'loving away the mental illness' I can promise you that's not the case, and I hate that trope so much. It'll be discussed out loud in the next few chapters and hopefully you'll see what I mean. It was never the plan to just let Jasper control it for her.**

 **The reason no one said anything about Bea's weight loss if because she wasn't tiny to begin with, so she wasn't an unhealthy weight, but by this point it would become too much if they left it any longer. Plus it's a sensitive** **subject. Esme knows that talking to Bea about it would most likely not end well, and for all she knows Bea was intentionally trying to lose weight, and could become very defensive if she'd actually said anything. It was only because it was seemingly not stopping that they had to intervene.**

 **Nice call on the hybrid and jasper knowing her grandfather ;)**

 **Bea isn't Jasper's singer, I didn't want to go down that route because it feels a bit over used, and as bad as it sounds, I don't think Jasper would have the self restraint that Edward did if someone's blood called to him that much. He's still struggling, so to put him in a position when he meets the person who's blood he wants the most, I don't think he could do it.**

 **Jasper and Alice's relationship is expanded on later, but they did meet the same way, only as friends, not mates.**

 **Rosalie likes Bea because of how horrible she was to Bella when she realised all along it was fate, and Bea isn't as reckless with her life as Bella was. Plus we now know that Bea is already part of their world and Rose thinks she has the right to know. And something more is coming later down the line maybe that might explain her niceness a little more...**

 **Beatrice is the name of an author of popular children's' books her in England, her name was Beatrice Potter, and she wrote the Peter Rabbit novels. Bea is pronounced 'Bee' :)**

 **Hope that helps you with some questions**


	6. Chapter 6

I choked on my own spit, not knowing what I expected Carlisle to say, but it definitely wasn't that.

"I beg your pardon? You're… what?"

"Vampires Bea, blood sucking, cold skinned, immortal vampires." Jasper spoke calmly, making a deliberate effort not to come to close to me.

My mind rapidly tried to process what I'd just been told.

Id they really think I was gullible enough to believe that? I forced myself to say something.

"Okay. Yeah. I'm gonna go now guys. I've had enough crazy to last me a lifetime and if you think I'm going to believe a word of this you can all just fuck off and leave me alone."

"At least _she_ reacts normally" Rosalie muttered. I wondered who Rosalie was referring to who didn't act 'normally'. It must have been Bella.

But I didn't want to hang around and be lied to anymore, so I got up to leave, heading straight towards the door I'd entered through. Except I couldn't, because Jasper was inexplicably stood in front of me.

"Bea. Think about it. Edward knows you have been picking up on everything that doesn't fit. You know we never come out when it's sunny, we move too fast sometimes, we all have the same eyes, same pale skin, and dark circles under our eyes. That's not normal is it?" Jasper said slowly, as if explaining all of this to a stupid person. But he was right. I had noticed all of that. But I hadn't voiced it out loud? "How do you know..?"

"I'll get to that later. But that's not important right now. So do you believe me now?" Jasper begged, still stood in front of me, blocking my way.

"'No, of course I don't. That proves nothing!"

And then I was being picked up out of nowhere, and within a split second I was at back on the couch across the other side of the room, Jasper beside me.

"Then explain that?" He said with the slightest hint of a smile. _Dick_

I decided to humour them, still not quite sure whether to believe their far fetched tale or not.

"Then… how come you haven't eaten me yet?" There were a few chuckles from around the room, but it was Carlisle who answered me.

"Well, firstly we don't eat humans, we drink the blood of animals only. And two… well, that's why Jasper brought you here. The man in this photo is named Harold Phillips, and he was what we call half mortal, half immortal. I met him two years ago in Seattle. They're not a common species, as they are born from a male vampire and a female human, with the female not being able to survive the pregnancy. Apart from in one known case… which is our Bella." He paused a second, allowing me to try to comprehend what he'd just said.

"Renesmee is Edward and Bella's biological child. Bella was turned at the last second, already technically dead, and Edward managed to save her. They stop aging when they are physically 17 years old, but they age rapidly until they reach that point. Your grandfather was one of them. He's alive and well and somewhere here in America."

Bella… had died giving birth to Edward's child. Why would she put herself through that, and at such a young age?

I took a deep breath. Slowly starting to believe these insane people. I couldn't deny that Carlisle spoke with sincerity. He continued:

"The reason why we don't thirst for your blood… is that you are his bloodline. Which means you are one eighth immortal. So any bloodlust a vampire may feel for you is counteracted by the tiniest instinct within us, telling us that you are one of us."

One… of them? As in, I'm not a human? That made no sense. I looked nothing like them, my eyes were grey and… well, I was as pale as them, but I was in no way as physically attractive as any of them were.

I was silent. Everyone was. This was too much. I needed fresh air before I pass out. I stumbled to my feet and tried to make my way towards the door. Panic crossed the features of everyone in the room.

"I'm not going anywhere, I won't tell anyone. I just need to breathe." I assured them, and they relaxed slightly.

"I'm coming with you" Jasper ordered, in his somehow stronger southern accent.

I blindly walked out into the chill of the night, heading towards the forest in front of me, Jasper one step behind me. I stopped when I came to a large oak tree, my body sliding to the floor with my back against the trunk. Jasper lean body folding onto the floor next to me.

He took my hand in his, and I flinched at the coldness now I knew what it meant. A flicker of hurt flashed over his face.

"How are you doing?" He questioned.

"How am I doing!? Well I just found out that not only are all my friends fucking vampires, but so is my grandad who, spoiler: is not dead! And I'm part blood sucking demon!" This time real hurt twisted his features, and it made my heart ache.

"Is that what you think of us?" He asked solemnly.

I quickly shook my head, not wanting to hurt him for some reason. But they live off blood, even if it wasn't necessary _human_ blood.

"No, no I'm sorry. I just… it's a lot to take in, you know?"

He nodded again, clutching my hand in his.

"Think about it though Beatrice. You're so pale, you have incredible coordination, you're never out of breath, you're fascinated by blood. It makes sense."

I realised he was once again right. Stupid always right vampire.

That would take some getting used to. He was a _vampire._

I knew there was no sane way of coping with this news, so I did the only thing I could think of, which was to use my humour to cope.

"So then, Dracula. Distract me. Tell me about your history."

An hour later Jasper and I returned to his house, my new found knowledge still filling up my brain. I couldn't believe he was actually a major in the Texas Calvary. He was so _old._ Technically he was only one year younger than me, but still.x

Carlisle ran to the door, his superhuman speed shocking me.

"Beatrice, are you okay?" His genuine concern was endearing. No wonder he was a doctor.

I smiled shakily

"I'm fine. But next time give me a little warning if you decide to drop something so big on me. Like, you know, we're all bloody vampires?"

He chucked at my comment, and slowly lead me into the house, back into the living room.

"Beatrice, we still have one more thing we need to talk to you about." Esme informed me as I took a seat.

"Let me guess, one of you is actually a werewolf?" I joked. Only to be met by an awkward silence.

"Well, actually, yes. Jacob's a werewolf. You haven't met him yet, he and Renesmee are traveling for the year."

My mouth fell open, not reaping how on the nose my joke had been. What more could they possibly tell me?

 _Please let witches be real._

Esme placed her hand on my knee, a loving gesture that I appreciated.

"Beatrice, we want you to move in with us. It's not just because you're partly one of us, but it's because we see you as family. And to see you slowly wasting away because you can't afford food is frankly ridiculous. It's not charity, you'd simply be another addition to our household, and the money you'd normally spend on your accommodation you can spend on food."

I was going to protest, but I had to admit, Esme's logic made sense. Plus I'd get to live with my two best friends.

 _And Edward, who hates you._

I silenced the voice in my head, knowing that I didn't care what Edward thinks of me.

"Esme, I'd absolutely love to. Are you sure I won't be imposing?"

Her grin grew impossibly big and I'm sure if she could cry she would have. How could I have been so rude to this lovely woman.

"Of course not! We have plenty of room. You can move in tomorrow, that gives us plenty of time to get you a bed. I presume you'll be wanting a double?"

I laughed at her question, knowing I'd never have the use for such a big bed.

"Honestly Esme, it's just me, a single bed is plenty."

Out of the corner of my eye I watched as Alice looked almost relieved at my comment. What on Earth was that about?

"Esme, Carlisle, I'm going to take Bea home now, she's had long day and I'm pretty sure I'll be carrying her home if she tries to stay awake much longer." Jasper interrupted us. As soon as he said the words I felt the tiredness hit me and how heavy my eyelids were. He knew my feelings so well. I nodded and stifled a yawn, a little part of me toying with the idea of his strong muscles wrapped around me as he carried me home. But that's not an appropriate thought for someone I'd soon be living with.

I said my goodbyes to the Cullens, thanking them wholeheartedly for how kind they had been to me, and Jasper lead me back out to his motorbike to ride me home.

The brief journey was invigorating and gave me more time to process everything I'd been told tonight. If that were possible.

We stopped outside my dorm building, and Jasper actually walked me back up to the room, handing me the portrait of my grandfather when we reached my door.

"Thank you for trusting us today Bea. You have no idea how much that means to us all. Especially as you're stuck with us forever now." He joked.

Forever? What does he mean by forever? I'm only partly an immortal. I'd die a normal age, right? I was pulled out of my questioning thoughts by Jasper unexpectedly pulling me into a tight hug. I hesitated for a moment before hugging back around his waist, needing the physical comfort. His muscles around my torso felt just as good as I'd imagined, if not better.

I couldn't say for sure, but I could swear he kissed my head as he hugged me. He pulled away and smiled once more at me.

"Good night Bea. Sleep tight Darlin'."

And he was gone, too fast for me to see.

"Ass." I half laughed, loving that he was already comfortable enough to be so carefree around me.

I opened up my door and straight away started packing my things, excited to begin a new chapter of my life with the Cullen family.


	7. Chapter 7

Esme clearly hadn't listened to me when I'd said a single bed would suffice. In the middle of the huge bedroom I now called mine, was a giant white bed, and I couldn't lie, it looked so unbelievably comfortable compared to the rock of a mattress I slept on back in my dorm.

I felt slightly uncomfortable that Carlisle and Esme had spent so much money on me, but I guess it means so little them, and helping their family meant more than money. These people were more like my family more than my parents back home, and I wished my sister was there to feel real love from a real family. Chloe was strong, she was a fighter, just as stubborn as I was. It's only natural to worry for your little sister though.

I threw my bags down and lept at the bed, throwing myself on it and shutting my eyes. I don't know if I'd fallen asleep, but the room was silent when the bed shifted slightly and I turned my head to see Jasper smiling at me as he lay beside me, eyes soft and happy. We stared at each other, saying nothing, until he broke the silence.

"God I miss beds. With us not sleeping the only use we have for them is… well. You're a lady, and I don't want to make you blush." His comment had the right intentions, but I blushed anyway, knowing what he was implying.

"Ew, Jazz! I don't want to think about you in that way!" But my still pink cheeks definitely gave me away, pictures of him all flustered and turned on flooding my mind.

I rapidly changed the subject, knowing that it was wrong to think of Jasper that way when he'd never want that from me. I shifted my weight to lean one arm on him.

"So, if Edward knew what I was thinking about you guys, does that mean he can read minds?" I enquired.

"Yep. He's a bugger for it. Some of us have special abilities. Edward can read minds, Alice can see the future." He concluded.

"So she knew I'd be living with you guys then?" I presumed. I felt slightly violated at the thought of Edward being able to read my mind. God knows what he'd seen…

Jasper shook his head, which surprised me.

"Alice… can only see species that she has been, or is. So she can't see Jacob or Renesmee. You have just enough immortal in you that your species can't be seen clearly. She just catches random glimpses."

I had to admit, I kind of liked that I was an exception. She couldn't see what I was deciding. Don't get me wrong, I loved Alice, but I wanted my privacy. Which I suddenly realised I wouldn't be getting in a house full of vampires who could hear my every move. I groaned at the thought.

"What's up?" Jasper noticed the groan then. Of course he did.

"I'm not going to have any privacy here am I? How do you guys cope? You can't even fuck in peace." My hands clamped over my mouth, appalled at what I'd just said.

Jasper let out a loud laugh. "It's true. We tend to wait until the house is empty, but sometimes your instinct gets the better of you." He winked.

"Um… Jazz. You just said 'we' tend to wait. Does that mean you..?" I know it was none of my business, he I'd only known him for just over a month, and he was a 19 year old, of course he had urges.

His eyebrows raised comically, clearly not noticing what he said.

"Well, I mean, I'm not a virgin obviously, you know about Maria" He shuddered "but… I just meant we like my family, Not specifically 'we' as in me and someone…"

I smiled at how flustered he got.

"Jazz chill. I was only poking fun at you. You can fuck who you want and so can I. It's a free world and neither of us are virgins it seems." It was true. Who was I to say who he could and couldn't sleep with. But my heart did ache a little at the idea of him being with someone else.

"You're… oh." He seemed to struggle with the idea of me not being a virgin, but it's not like I was going to wait until marriage. It'd been quick and sloppy and over before it even began, with some boy called Robbie I'd met on a night out on my 18th birthday. But I didn't regret it. It wasn't romantic but it had been fun.

I did wonder how many people Jasper had slept with though. He'd only ever mentioned Maria.

I had to keep talking else Jasper might suspect my worry.

"Yep... But now I'm tired. I'm going to need to sleep. So unless you plan on staying here all night and reading a book while I sleep…"

He glanced up at me sheepishly.

"Can I?" He asked softly. I was taken aback by this, not expecting him to take me seriously. But I had to admit it, the thought of him staying the night did warm something deep inside me.

"Sure Jazz. I'm just going to put my pyjamas on, you go grab your book."

He returned a few minutes later, just as I was curling up under the duvet. I lifted the duvet above me and gestured for him to get in. I knew this was only a friendly act on his behalf, but I still felt comforted by it.

He lay down next to me, and turned off the lamp by the bed, he was able to read his book without the aid of a lamp. Snuggling down further I wrapped my arm around his waist and lay my head on his cool chest, embracing the chill. This felt… right. I was so glad in that moment that I had a friend as good as he was.

He stared down at me, clearly struggling with something in his head.

"Goodnight Darlin'. I'll be right here when you wake." And then he did something new: he kissed me on my cheek. For two seconds. I smiled up at him, but my eyes were heavy and I'd had such a long day with college and then moving into the Cullen house, so I fell into a deep sleep, thinking about the evening I'd spent with my new family, Edward not making an appearance, but Rose and Alice had spent time with me, hanging up all the clothes they'd surprised me with, and helping me settle in. I needed friends like them, who treated me like an equal. Which was ludacris when I thought about how superior they were to me. Regardless, they never acted like it.

When I awoke Jazz was still in my bed, but in my sleep I'd somehow moved onto him even more, my right leg sprawled across him, and most of my torso resting on him. Whoops. He didn't seem to mind, smiling at me as he said "Good Morning beautiful. You slept well."

I nodded, even though it wasn't a question. I couldn't believe he'd stayed the whole night.

"You're surprisingly comfortable." I replied, at the same time centring my body on his and sitting up to smile back at him. He glanced between us and I suddenly saw that the position I'd put us in was slightly inappropriate. I was basically straddling the poor guy. He must have been so uncomfortable, and the way his eyes flashed between us confirmed my suspicions.

"Shit sorry, I didn't think!" I panicked, pushing myself off him. But he held me in place, his hands on my waist. This was new.

"Bea. Please don't… you don't have to leave. It's okay." He pleaded. This was a side of Jasper I'd never seen before. He was almost vulnerable.

"And why not?" I teased. If I let myself think about this too much then I'd start to panic.

His sat up, leaning closer to me in the process.

"Because, I wouldn't be able to do this."

His face was inches from mine, I could feel his cool breath hit my slightly parted lips, and the scent of his breath made me dizzy it was so intoxicating. Then his lips pressed against mine softly, and my breath left my body. Jasper was kissing me. On the lips. My best friend was kissing me. _Oh my god._ His lips didn't move over mine, he just applied the slightest amount of pressure, almost like he was afraid to hurt me.

And then he was gone again. Staring up at me with caution in his eyes. Clearly wondering if he'd over-stepped an unwritten boundary between us.

What did that mean? Did he like me? Was he using me? Maybe that's why he wanted me to move in. A live in fuck-buddy. Oh god. I was panicking. A full on anxiety attack was looming and I couldn't stop it. My breathing started to get heavy, the blood rushing to my head and my palms becoming clammy.

Then it was gone. Again. Just like every time I started to get anxious, but this only when I was with… Jasper.

"Jasper, why do I never have my anxiety attacks when I'm around you?"

My question threw him, he was clearly expecting me to make some comment about what he'd just done.

He then smiled.

"Oh, yeah, when I told you about Edward and Alice's abilities I forgot to mention I have one too. I can feel and manipulate people's emotions. Whenever I feel you getting anxious I calm you."

"You do _what_?" I asked, trying to control my sudden anger. His face dropped. Good.

"I thought it was helping you? You hate anxiety attacks, I can tell!" He protested. I climbed off Jasper, too angry to be near him.

"How dare you! How dare you control what _I_ feel! That's not normal Jasper, that's manipulative and dangerous. Do you know how horrible it feels to not be able to understand why your body isn't reacting how it normally does? I couldn't understand it, and all this time it's been you!" I was shouting, but I didn't care if the rest of the family heard me. I was too angry to care right now.

"Get out Jasper. I don't want to see you. Go!" He was frozen for a second, and then picked up his book and walked out of my room at human speed. He was hurt, but I was more so.


	8. Chapter 8

My mind was still reeling, furious thoughts of betrayal and pain wouldn't leave me. How could Jasper think that controlling someone's emotions was a normal thing to do? And to not even tell me until I questioned it was immoral. How do I know which emotions I actually felt?

I picked out my clothes from my vast wardrobe, just a pair of black skinny jeans and a striped long sleeved top, too annoyed to make any real effort for college today.

After yanking a brush through the knots in my hair I stuffed my books into my rucksack and stormed down the stairs into the kitchen, where Esme was sat waiting for me, concern all over her face. Oh. Vampire hearing.

"I made you breakfast…" she smiled, gesturing to the bagel with cream cheese on the counter. "Come and sit a second hunny." I did as she said, grateful for the food she'd prepared.

"I heard… I heard your discussion with Jasper." Discussion was a polite way of referring to the argument we'd had, and Esme knew it.

"Well, he has no right to do that to me. It's wrong and it's violating." I defended myself, jutting my chin out in self defence, taking another bite of the warm bagel.

She nodded her head, but I knew she was going to support her son.

"You need to understand Beatrice, Jasper isn't as close to the family as the others are. He came here because Alice told him he would, and he's always struggled with his bloodlust. But for him, being able to influence us all with our emotions is the only thing he thinks he can do to help, to feel like he belongs with us. Which obviously isn't the case, we all love him. But if he can make us happy, or even content, then he thinks his presence here is needed."

What she said made sense, I knew about Jasper's history and how he came to meet the Cullen's, but I was still annoyed at him. That wasn't just going to go away.

Esme continued when she saw I wasn't going to say anything.

"You need to be easy on him Beatrice. This is new for him, liking a human, he's not sure how to be with you, but he'll get there, you have years to practice."

Something she'd said shocked me. Jasper… Jasper wanted to be with me? Esme was surely mistaken, perhaps confusing his friendship for attraction. He'd kissed me, yes, but people kiss all the time. And right now I was too pissed off with him to think of him in any romantic light.

"When you say years, Esme, even if Jasper did want me… in that way, I'd outgrow him soon, he's not going to want to be with an older woman is he?"

Esme paused, clearly trying to work out if she should say what she was thinking, and then decided against it.

"That's up to him Beatrice, but we won't know if you two don't sort things out. Please give him a chance, he has a good heart." She reached out and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ears; such an affectionate action.

I wanted to bite my tongue, she seemed to like the thought of Jasper being with me, and there was a part of me that did too. However, the rational part of me was stronger, and that part knew that Jasper and I would never work. I mean, look what happened to Bella. She loved Edward and he just knocked her up and then she died giving birth to his child, and to top everything off, her turned her into a vampire. Who would ever want that?

"I'm sorry Esme, but I just don't want Jasper like that. He's an amazing friend, but we just wouldn't work-" Esme's eyes flashing behind me cut me off before I could explain why a human and a vampire together wours not end well, and I turned around to see who'd walked in on our private conversation. And of course, it was Jasper.

I opened my mouth to say something, but Jasper interrupted me before I could even think of what I was going to say.

"Don't bother. I'm sorry for thinking you wanted me that way. I'll leave you alone." and he turned on his heel and left, Edward entering the kitchen just as Jasper exited, Jasper not even looking at the tall brunet.

My heart ached, of course I liked Jasper, but I couldn't let myself develop feelings for a guy who would forever be 19, as I continued to age and grow old. Maybe if the circumstances were different…

I forgot Esme and Edward were still in the kitchen with me, clearly feeling awkward about what they'd witnessed. Edward broke the tension by clearing his throat.

"Beatrice, you're riding with me today, Bella and Alice are going to drive in together as they've got a free period first thing." Edward ordered. I was still in shock at how hurt Jasper had seemed. Maybe he was so used to people wanting him that someone not feeling that way hurt him, even when he didn't want me as anything more than a friend.

I just nodded silently at Edward's words, knowing I didn't really have a choice, it's not like I could walk. I felt a pang of regret for not having my own car shipped over from England, I missed being able to go wherever I pleased.

I gave Esme a quick hug before I left, and she smiled, her eyes full of sadness. It must hurt to see one of your children upset. Edward lead the way out of the kitchen, giving his mom a peck on the cheek on the way. Ever the gentleman, to everyone apart from me.

He opened the door of his silver volvo for me, and I climbed into the passenger seat. It felt weird not being in the back. What I'd have given to have Alice with me as back-up… The thought of a whole car journey spent in silence with Edward was not a pleasant one.

Except it wasn't silent.

"Beatrice, I need to apologise to you. My wife has informed me that my rudeness is unacceptable. And I agree." Edward said, staring right at me. I comprehended what he'd said for a few seconds.

"Um… it's okay?" I squeaked. Edward was the only member of the Cullen family who genuinely scared me. He shook his head.

"No, it's not okay. But there is a reason I've been so vile to you, and I need you to listen to me and hopefully not think I'm completely crazy." He half smiled to himself. "You see, I see so much of Bella in you. A young, naive girl who's so accepting of us and what we are that you're not scared of us." He flashed a proper smile at me this time, clearly listening to the mental I'm bloody terrified of you that I'd thought to myself.

"When I met you… when I heard how Jasper felt about you, from the first second he saw you, I was afraid for your life. And then he discovered that he could resist your blood, meaning you would survive. Except… he started to develop feelings for you. Alice saw it too, for a split second. I saw it in her mind. It was you, as one of us. Fully. And then before I knew it your whole life had flashed before me, and it was the same as with Bella and I. You'd fall in love, and Jasper would hurt you. He'd ruin your life like I thought I'd ruined Bella's. She was lucky, she shouldn't have survived. I want you to know Beatrice, that I never for one second forced Bella into this life. I tried to stop her but doing so nearly killed us both. I hated myself for loving her. I can't see Jasper go through that. I love him, and him loving you would destroy him." Edward finished abruptly, taking an unnecessary deep breath. So Jasper really did have feelings for me? What did that mean for us. I couldn't help but link Bella's death to my Grandmothers, who hadn't been as lucky to survive the birth, leaving my mum to be raised by her only sister. Why would Edward ever think I'd want the same for myself?

"Beatrice, I'm so sorry. After hearing you in the kitchen I realised, you don't want to be one of us, you're actually sane, unlike my crazy wife." His eyes shone with admiration and love for Bella. I felt a new-found respect for him.

"Thank you, I appreciate you listening to me." he said, having read my mind once again. Right now I didn't mind it so much, it made it easier for me to talk to him. I could almost imagine myself getting used to the way he replied to my thoughts.

"Oh, and one more thing." Edward smiled, grabbing his backpack as we both exited his car now that we'd reached campus. "Please don't be too hard on Jasper for the mood control. If you'd told him to stop he would have. He was only trying to help." Edward had walked me to my classroom for my economics lecture, which I knew would give me plenty of time to think things over.

"I'll think about it." I promised, knowing I genuinely would. Edward reached down to hug me, shocking me at first, but then I was overwhelmed with the fact that he was comfortable enough with me to consider me a friend. So much had changed in such a short car journey.

I made my way to my seat at the very back of the lecture theatre, thoughts of Jasper's face when I'd hurt him not once, but twice this morning making my own face twist into a frown. It took the whole hour for me to come to a decision, but by the time everyone started to pack up, my mind was resolved. I wanted more from Jasper than friendship, and he did too. I was going to give a relationship with him a try.


	9. Chapter 9

I practically skipped my way to meet Rosalie and Emmett at lunch, lifted at the possibility of me and Jasper being something more. I still couldn't quite grasp the concept, he was so perfect physically, golden hair and golden eyes, his strong jaw and high cheekbones… I could feel myself melting at the thought of kissing him again.

Again.

Now that I'd finally let myself see that I truly did have feelings for him, there was nothing I could do stop the floodgates opening. Pictures flooded my mind of Jazz and I together, holding hands, sharing a bed, amongst other things… blood rushed to my cheeks at the thought of being intimate with him. I still couldn't help but doubt if Jasper could actually want me that way. But he did, Edward told me, and he had no reason to lie. Esme too.

"Hey Beatrice, you alright?"

Emmett greeted me, ruffling my hair. I tried to smooth it back down, not wanting to deal with the tangled red mess he'd created.

"What's up guys?" I asked, dropping my bag onto their table and slumping into my chair.

"Just talking about the gala tonight, I'm so glad I can actually dress up again, we haven't had a proper event since Bella and Edward's wedding." Rosalie gushed, her excitement tangible.

"The university gala? Of course you guys will be going. I'm so jealous, I've never gotten to wear a ball gown before." I replied.

"You should come!" Rosalie insisted, "Jasper and Alice are going to be hunting tonight so we have extra tickets."

"Will Carlisle and Esme be okay with that?" I worried out loud. I don't want to intrude anymore than I already was, what with me living them.

"Don't be silly, we'd love you to come. Plus it'd just be you home alone for most of the night otherwise. I'm sure Rose has some dresses for you to borrow." Emmett insisted, and I couldn't say no to his eagerness.

"Some? Thanks to Alice I have a whole wardrobe full. We can have a look when we get home." Rose smiled, and I was suddenly looking forward to having plans for once.

I was grinning so much my cheeks were hurting, and Rosalie was perceptive enough to know that I wasn't simply excited about a ball and a chance to dress up.

"What's making you so happy?" she questioned. I just shook my head, still smiling.

"It's nothing Rose, just… I think Jasper might actually like me as more than a friend?" Rosalie's face dropped, her mouth slightly parted. She was probably just surprised that I confessed my feelings out loud.

The rest of the day passed quickly with the gala looming, but I hadn't seen Jasper or Alice all day and I was missing them both.

When we got back to the Cullen's mansion Rosalie took me straight upstairs to her room, throwing open her wardrobe and pulling out dress after dress and throwing them onto her chaise longue. A black silk dress caught my eyes, and Rosalie noticed.

"You like this one do you? Isn't it gorgeous, it would show of your body amazingly! Jasper won't be able to keep his eyes off you." She winked. I blushed again, but couldn't deny that I liked the idea. He'd never looked at me with lust.

Rosalie helped me into the skin-tight dress, the black silk sliding over my body, emphasising my figure.

"You look so hot!" Rosalie reassured me, and I think she was being honest. Rosalie wasn't the sort to bullshit, one of the many reasons I loved her.

"Come on, I'll do your makeup and then you need to help me pick out a dress!" Like Rosalie wouldn't look good in a trash bag?

It only took 20 minutes for Rosalie do me a full face of makeup and curl my hair, applying the same red lipstick I wore the first day I met Jasper and Alice as a finishing touch.

She adjusted my hair for me, and then turned to look at herself in the mirror, her dark purple dress fit her perfectly, and I knew I was stood in the presence of the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

"We need to get going, we can't be late, Esme is the guest of honour." Rosalie smiled, so proud of her mother. Rightly so: Esme was incredible.

I stumbled into the hallway, struggling in Rosalie's five inch heels. Rosalie ran downstairs to go and talk to Esme, and I followed behind, trying not to break an ankle. I was so busy concentrating on waking that I nearly didn't notice Jasper leave his room, walking right into the hallway.

I looked up at the vampire, my eyelashes heavy with mascara.

"Oh hey Jazz." I grinned, trying to let him know that I'd forgiven him for our argument this morning, and hoping that he would forgive me for what I'd said to Esme this morning.

"Bea… you… holy Shit." He stuttered. Had I actually flustered the ice cold Jasper Hale? From the way his eyes roamed up and down my body, lingering on my chest and cherry red lips, I'd guess yes.

"Thanks Jazz." I winked, my confidence carrying me through my brain slowly melting at his reaction. I didn't want to lose my control, loving watching his reaction.

"You're going hunting with Alice tonight right? I could do with talking to you when we're back, is that alright?" He nodded, biting his lip. Jesus fucking Christ.

"That's if I don't find a guy to hook up with." I joked, teasing him for how much he was staring at me. I instantly realised my mistake. His eyes shot up to stare into my own, his expression twisting into one i didn't recognise.

"Have fun Bea." He grunted. And he'd gone, again.

I wanted to follow him but Carlisle called me from downstairs, telling me we were going to be late if we didn't leave soon. So I carefully tiptoed down the stairs, to join my foster family for a night I was guaranteed to remember.

We took two cars to the gala, Edward driving one and Carlisle the other. I guess when you're a vampire you don't have to worry about having a designated driver.

When we arrived at the gala every eye was on the Cullens as we entered the ballroom, but that was nothing new. What did surprise me was how many people actually looked at me too, and not in the 'what the hell is she doing with them?' way. They actually looked at me with intrigue and lust. This was a new sensation. This dress must really suit me.

Throughout the night I had three guys come up to me and ask for a dance, but my mind was elsewhere. All I could think about was Jasper back at home, probably done with his hunt now. And what we could be doing if we were there together. That thought, combined with the fact that men were ogling me every time they walked past me, was enough for me to call a taxi to take me home.

I found Rosalie, who was slow dancing with Emmett. "Hey guys, I'm going to head back, I'm feeling a bit tired."

"Tired?" Emmett smirked, "or missing a certain blonde Texan vamp?"

"Em!" Rosalie scolded, slapping his chest with the back of her hand.

"Are you sure you want to leave? Jasper and Alice might still be out hunting…" Rosalie looked between Emmett and I, clearly not wanting me to leave. Which was weird because they had no problem with me being alone in the house from what I could tell.

"Rosalie, I'll be fine. I'll see you guys later." I reassured her. As I turned to leave Rosalie went to grab my arm, but I left her hand hanging in the air, just wanting to get back to Jasper, ignoring the worried look on her face.

The taxi journey took no time, as I spent the entire journey thinking about how I was going to confess my feelings for Jasper. Nothing could ruin the fantastic mood I was in, knowing I could finally clear the air between the two of us.

I paid the taxi driver and practically ran through the front door, stopping only to take in the loud music that blasted through the house. I smirked to myself: of course Jasper liked Indie-rock.

I couldn't even hear my steps over the thumping music, I couldn't work out why Jasper was listening to his music so loudly.

I reached his door, and knocked, but heard nothing, so I twisted the door handle and poked my head around the door, grinning at the fact that Jasper was so into his music he was oblivious to me.

But my smile dropped from my face. And my breath caught in my throat, choking me.

Because there was Jasper, naked. Fucking Alice.


	10. Chapter 10

**Last night when I uploaded this I was a little (a lot) drunk, so I forgot to put a trigger warning and I want to apologise. There is sexual assault in this chapter so please bare that in mind when reading.**

They still hadn't noticed me, god knows how, until I let out a small whimper of disbelief. Then Alice saw me. "Jazz! Jazz stop!" Alice cried, her back against the wall opposite me, eyes locked with mine, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. My mouth wouldn't shut, and for some reason I couldn't look away, my heart fracturing the longer I looked.

Jasper finally realised that Alice was talking, and looked at her without stopping.

"What's up babe?" He asked/moaned. Babe? Are you fucking kidding me?

"Beatrice!" Alice shouted, knowing that he was too distracted to actually listen otherwise. That caught his attention, he stopped.

"Beatrice?" He questioned, confusion evident in his voice. Then he slowly turned around, like he knew he'd see me standing there, watching them, but he didn't want to believe it. I didn't either. I wished in that second I was anywhere else but there.

His eyes saw mine, and pain ripped through me, and he flinched, like he felt it too. And then I realised that he did. So I pushed, the pain grew worse and consumed my whole body, as I glared into his pleading eyes. I knew he could feel my heartbreak.

I waited. Waited for him to try to protest or deny what they'd been doing, but he was silent. He simply picked up the clothes off the floor by them and they covered themselves in shame. Alice tried to speak again, but I turned about before she could say anything.

It wasn't like Jasper had been fucking some random girl I didn't know, Alice was my best friend. The betrayal stung me. How could they do this to me? Surely Alice knew how I felt? I thought she could see the future?

I ran down the stairs, tears flowing freely down my face, and I ran smack bang into Emmett, who didn't even hesitate to wrap his arms around me as I sobbed even harder.

"Beatrice… we tried to warn you, we even tried to call them so they knew you'd be coming. I'm so sorry." Emmett soothed.

"You knew? You knew they were sleeping together this entire time?" I cried. Emmett held me tighter as Rosalie stroked my back.

"They've been doing this for as long as we've known them Beatrice, but they they stopped before they met you. I can't think what will have caused either of them to do… that… again." Rosalie soothed.

I looked up from Emmett's bear hug, sniffing a bit and trying to wipe my tears, and noticed that Carlisle and Esme had also come home when Rosalie and Emmett had left. More witnesses to my breakdown, much to my embarrassment. I sobbed even more.

"Is she okay?"

Jasper finally dragged himself from Alice long enough to come and see what was happening, he'd even managed to put some clothes on. How gracious of him.

Emmett shifted to stand between the two of us, and Carlisle ran forward to Jasper, putting his hand on his shoulder, looking deep into Jasper's eyes.

"I think it's best if you leave Beatrice alone Jasper. You've hurt her enough." Carlisle advised.

Jasper couldn't take his eyes off me as I furiously tried to wipe away the smudged mascara under my eye, not wanting him to see me weak, but Emmett's protective stance and Rosalie's hand on my arm showed that I clearly wasn't okay with what I'd witnessed. I'd been so ready to give us a chance… when there'd never even been an us. How stupid I'd been.

"Bea-"

"Don't you dare call me that!" I cut him off, surprised that I could even find the courage to talk to him.

"Only my friends can call me that."

His eyebrows drew together, a frown showing how distressed he really was. Good.

"Beatrice." He corrected himself. "Please. Let me explain. Alice is devastated." I actually laughed out loud. "Well I'm sure Alice is really upset right now, but I frankly don't give a shit how either of you feel. Rose?" I turned to the worried blonde. "I need to borrow another dress off you. We're going out." She was shocked for a second, but nodded, understanding that if I didn't get out of the Cullen house I would probably do something I'd regret.

"Beatrice, is that a good idea?" Esme cautioned.

"Trust me Mom, she'll be fine. I'll go with them." Emmett interjected, and I was so thankful that the rest of the Cullen family cared about me, even if Jasper and Alice didn't.

Carlisle nodded at Esme, seeming to see my need to escape. With that, Rosalie picked me up and ran upstairs, straight past Jasper.

When we were in her room for the second time that night she set me down and turned to me after locking her door. She said nothing, but held her arms out to me, and I gratefully fell into her cold embrace.

"Oh Bea… I'm so sorry." She said as she smoothed my hair out.

"I… I thought he liked me Rose. Everyone said he did, even Esme." I tried not to sob again, knowing I wouldn't be able to stop myself if I did.

"He does like you Bea, that's why we're all so angry with him. I don't know why he did this to you, but I guarantee that neither him nor Alice would do anything to purposefully hurt you. You should maybe sit down and hear them out. But right now, we need to distract you, so let's find you the sexiest, shortest dress I have and get you drunk." I giggled at her support for me, it's what I needed.

Ten minutes later I was wearing Rosalie's skin-tight, red mid thigh length dress and the same black shoes from earlier on, loving the height they gave me.

"See, you look just as good as new!" Rosalie grinned, but I knew she was just trying to distract me.

"Come on, let's get you into a bar and get you a huge glass of… what is it you drink?"

"Well, most days champagne, but right now? Tequila and whisky should do the trick."

"God I wish I could drink. It might make living with Edward easier." She winked.

I giggled again as Rosalie lead me to the bottom of the staircase. Emmett was stood waiting for us, and so was Jasper. Brilliant. He couldn't take his eyes off me, and I was so glad that Rosalie had picked out the red dress for me. I don't even look at Jasper as Emmett winked at Rose.

"Looking smokin' ladies, shall we?"

I strutted past Jasper, or at least tried to, knowing he could feel my anger and smugness that radiated from me.

The bar Emmett had chosen seemed pretty nice, and was already full by the time we arrived, what with it being almost 11 at night. Emmett insisted on walking in right behind us so that everyone knew we were with him, and the second we entered the bar I realised why.

Every single guy stopped to stare at Rosalie as we entered, and a fair few girls too.

"Do you ever get used to that?" I questioned the beautiful goddess who I could call my friend.

"No…" she muttered. "It's horrible. But they're not all staring at me." She gestured to the guy sat by the bar, with dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes. Yum.

Emmett wrapped a protective arm around Rosalie and winked at me.

"Let's get you a drink heartbreaker." He teased.

Two minutes later and three tequila shots were placed in front of me by a grinning Emmett.

"Emmett, take it easy? She's tiny, we want her to be conscious!" Rosalie scorned, and her tone made me laugh. I loved this stunning couple.

I downed the shots in seconds, Rosalie and Emmett staring at me with a mixture of shock and awe.

"We start drinking at 18 in England." I reminded them.

"Three more shots please!" I ordered the bartender.

The night blurred into a mixture of shots and dancing, sometimes dancing with Rose and Em, and then flirting with a random guy for a few minutes, ignoring them when they started to get touchy. Then the guy I'd noticed staring at me when I'd entered the bar approached me, smiling at me. I met him halfway, wrapping my arms around his neck. It felt weird touching someone who wasn't ice cold. Almost unpleasant. I needed to ignore the feeling of longing, and acted impulsively, pressing my body against his.

"So what's your name?" He shouted over the music. I didn't reply to him, instead I shook my head, and pressed my lips to his. He moaned in response and pulled me tighter, our kiss becoming heated, but still, all I could think of was what it would be like to kiss Jasper like this, to listen to the thumping music as our bodies grind against each other, tongues touching and hands grabbing.

The nameless guy pulled away from me, but only so he could grab my hand and pull me towards the bathroom.

If I was sober and not angry at Jasper I would have laughed at his boldness, instead, I followed him.

We practically fell into the bathroom, his hands on my hips pushing my skirt up, and trying to push my panties to one side.

"Dude, calm down. I'm not going to fuck you in a bathroom. Been there, done that, not my sort of thing."

I warned him, but he didn't stop, gripping my arm with one hand, his grip hurting me, with his free hand and trying to push his fingers into me. I tried to push him off but he was too strong, apparently being 1/8th immortal vampire wasn't useful when I was 7/8th drunk out of my mind.

"Get off me!" I shouted, and then he was ripped away from me, too fast for him to have s changed his mind.

"You fucking pig. She said get off of her!" Rosalie growled, grasping him by his hair and actually hissing into his ear. Rosalie, the sweet, strong woman was gone. This was the killing machine who had wreaked revenge on her attackers and fiancé. And this had clearly triggered something in her.

"Rose!" Emmett growled, "don't kill him. He's not him."

Him being… Royce.

"Rose, please. Just seriously maim him and he should learn his lesson." My speech was slurred, I'd had far too much to drink.

"Emmett, I think I'm going to pass out." I warned, falling to the ground as I said it, but landing in a pair of strong arms before I hit the floor, and everything disappeared.

I woke up to cold hands probing my head, and a throbbing pain following the movement.

I groaned at the sensation, nausea flowing over me.

"It's okay Bea, you're home now."

My eyes flickered open to see Carlisle leaning over me, concern etched on his face.

"Your bruises are pretty bad. It's a good thing Rosalie and Emmett got to you before things got nasty."

I laughed, with no humour in my voice.

"Before things turned nasty? Carlisle, he forced himself on me, he… his fingers…"

The thought out what he'd tried to do me made bile rise in my throat, but before I could throw up Carlisle had placed a bucket in front of me. I emptied my stomach as Carlisle said nothing. When I'd finished he moved the bucket away from me.

"I know Beatrice. I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me. I just meant I'm glad you weren't in Rosalie's position."

I knew he meant to be kind, so I let his comment go.

"I need to thank Rose and Em." I groaned, standing on my shaking legs and supporting myself on the bed I'd been passed out on.

According to Carlisle they were waiting for me to wake up downstairs. Alice hadn't left her room since the incident yesterday, and Jasper hadn't been seen since the three of us left to go drinking.

Carlisle supported my weight as I made my way down the stairs, the bannister not helping much. Rosalie ran over to me, rambling about how worried she was and how angry she was about what that guy had done to me last night.

My head was pounding too much to comprehend fully what she was saying.

"Rose, I'm fine. That guy was a dick, but you saved me. A few bruises is nothing compared to what could have happened."

"Bruises?"

Jasper's voice suddenly rang across the room, and I turned to stare at him.

"Why are you covered in bruises?" He questioned again, the militant tone I've heard only once before shrouding his usual voice.

"It's nothing Jasper. I drank too much, some guy tried to get with me, Rose stopped him. It's cool." I insisted.

He shook his head and took a few steps towards me.

"He forced himself onto you? And you were drunk? And no one thought to tell me!" He was shouting now, almost shaking with anger.

"Jasper, calm down. You're going to scare Beatrice." Carlisle ordered. Jasper ignored him, walking closer to me and reaching a hand towards my face, but changing his mind when I flinched away from him.

"Jasper, I don't know if you're deliberately forgetting, but I'm still furious at you. Now if you don't mind, I need to sleep. My head is killing me and I can't stand to look at you much longer." It killed me to say it, because I wanted to do nothing more than lie on Jasper's cold chest and drift of to sleep, soothing my headache. But what he'd done to me still felt like a hand reaching into my chest and twisting my heart in its fist, so I held my head up and gave Rose a hug, then Emmett, before smiling at Carlisle and stumbling up the stairs, throwing myself on the huge bed Esme had bought me, and falling into a deep sleep, dreaming of the ice cold man who had broken my heart before I even knew it belonged to him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Authors note at the bottom because I need your opinions :) enjoy chapter 11!**

It'd been three weeks since I'd found out about Jasper and Alice. Three weeks of awkward silences and tangible tension. I was trying to be civil towards to the two of them, because it wasn't fair on Carlisle and Esme if I acted so rudely toward their family, after they had so kindly invited me into their house and lives. I still wasn't quite sure why they'd taken me in after knowing me for a month, but I was ever so grateful.

In Esme's classes I no longer sat between the two people I once considered my friends, instead I sat closest to Esme, knowing she'd not judge me.

I was sat in her class, trying to focus on painting the life model in front of me, something which Esme was thrilled to teach us, but I could feel either Jasper or Alice staring at me at any given point. I turned to glance at them, sat together. Alice flashed me a small smile, but I couldn't smile back. She'd tried to talk to me about… what happened, but I just couldn't bare to think about it anymore than I already had.

The tension in the room was stifling, and with Jasper and I not being on the best of terms I was left to feel the full brunt of my emotions. The feelings were too much for me, and I needed something to distract me. Luckily I had a free period after art, so as soon as the lesson ended I ran over to Esme and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and wandered over to the music block on campus.

The room was full of musical instruments you could rent out, and you could even keep them for a few weeks at a time. I picked out a slightly tatty cello and signed my name on the form at the desk, dialling Edward's number with my free hand.

"Hey Edward, can you come and meet me at your car please? I need to leave something in there for the rest of the day?" I asked, trying to balance the cello on my hips. Edward and I had grown closer in the last month, much to Bella's delight.

"Yeah no problem Beatrice, just give me two minutes." He responded.

In exactly two minutes Edward was walking towards me, taking in the huge case beside me. He raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know you play the cello?" He questioned, sounding insultingly surprised.

"I've been playing for years, I'm alright at it, but I just wanted a distraction so I rented one from college. It's pretty battered but it'll do. Can I leave it in your car until the end of the day please?" I knew Edward would say yes, he was actually such a genuinely nice person once he realised I wasn't going to throw my entire life away for Jasper.

He nodded, opening the trunk up for me and lifting the cello case with one hand, his vampire strength coming in handy. I loved spending time with Edward and Bella, because there was no falseness with them, they were just so in love and still acted like teenagers, which I guess they were, technically. It was just sweet to watch them together. I just wish it didn't make me wonder what Jasper and I would be like together.

Edward shut the trunk of his car, picking up my bag for me as we started to wander back into the main building. I wondered to myself whether he found walking at my mundane human pace infuriating, and knowing Edward he did.

"I don't mind it, it's nice to take my time sometimes." He answered for me. We'd fallen into an easy pattern of Edward reading my mind and replying to me without a word being spoken on my behalf, it didn't feel weird anymore.

"If it's not weird for me to read your mind, why does Jasper changing your mood bother you so much?" He questioned, and he knew he had a point. I paused for a second, thinking through my answer.

"Because he didn't tell me Edward, I had no idea what was going on, and now I don't even know if what I felt for him was real or not." My brow was furrowed at the thought, doubting my feelings.

"Beatrice, he only ever tried to help with your anxious thoughts, and nothing more. He thought he was doing the right thing." I shook my head

"But that's not the point Edward! I was over that. And then he and … they…" Edward saw in mind exactly what I saw that day, and he physically flinched.

"I don't think I ever needed to see that…" he winced.

"Bea I think you need to talk to them. You can't keep avoiding either of them. They didn't mean to hurt you. I'm not going to explain for them, but they do have an explanation if you'd just give them a chance."

I rolled my eyes at his suggestion, and he nudged me slightly.

"Look, ask Bella!" We'd just joined Bella at the table she was sat at, with Emmett by her side.

"Ask me what?" She smiled, Edward kissing her chastely on her cheek. I'm sure if she could she would have blushed.

"Beatrice should speak to Jasper and Alice." Edward stated, not even posing a question.

Before Bella could even respond Emmett opened his mouth.

"Hell yeah she does, it's super awkward being around any of them and it's only be a month. Plus, Bea is never going to get laid at this rate. What sort of 20 year old at college doesn't get laid at least once?"

Bella punched Em's arm before I could, not that he would've even felt it if I'd tried.

"It's not about getting laid Emmett? I could find any random guy for that, I want Jasper on a different level. I _did_ anyway." There was no reason to even hide my feelings anymore, the whole family knew exactly what had happened and what could have maybe happened.

Emmett put his hands up in defence.

"Look, all we're saying is that Alice and Jasper are good people. You need to give them a chance."

Emmett's serious tone threw me; he never spoke that way. And it _had_ been a month. Maybe I should give them a chance. God, why did this have to be so complicated.

Bella spoke up for me, probably sensing I was uncomfortable.

"Leave her alone guys, Bea can do whatever she wants? It's her life. And we all know how stubborn she is." She laughed, and I couldn't deny that it was true. I appreciated Bella standing up for me.

I gave Bella a smile, and said goodbye to the three immortals, wanting to get the rest of the day over and done with so I could go home and finally get to play the cello for the first time in months.

I rode home with Bella and Edward that day, they were listening to Linkin Park most of the way, Bella and Edward sneaking smiles to each other when they thought I wasn't watching.

When we arrived back home it was Bella who took the cello off me, seeing how much I was struggling. I tried to protest, momentarily forgetting that she was ridiculously strong like the rest of her family. It was bizarre watching someone so small and feminine carrying the huge instrument without even a hint of a struggle, Edward caught how impressed I was, and smiled at his wife.

"Do you want it in your room?" Bella asked me, but Edward replied before I was able to.

"Put it in the room with my piano love, it's perfect acoustics for playing and it's much lighter than in Beatrice's room. If that's okay with you of course?" He checked. I just nodded, taking his word for it.

I dropped my backpack and coat off in my bedroom, changing into a pair of leggings and vest top for comfort, and headed back downstairs to the light, open room of one of the Cullens' many living rooms.

The cello was out of its case, propped against one wall, looking a little sorry for itself.

I borrowed Edward's piano stool and placed the cello between my legs, picking up the bow. I played the first piece that came to my head; just some basic music that I'd learnt back in England when I was in high school. I closed my eyes, losing myself in the music, sighing deeply at the content feeling surrounding me. Thoughts of Jasper and Alice left me momentarily, for which I was grateful. I needed to think things through rationally and calmly.

My song came to an end slowly, desperate not to finish, and I opened my eyes, to see Jasper stood by the door, smiling softly at me.

"Jasper, what are you doing here?" I questioned, not wanting to be too rude by asking him to leave. He walked over to me, leaning against Edward's grand piano. _He won't be happy about that._ I thought to myself.

"You play so beautifully Beatrice. I was drawn to the sound." Even when I was so furious with him he made my heart flutter, and I hated that he could hear it. I shrugged at his statement, not wanting to indulge him with a reply.

He realised I wasn't going to say anything, yet instead of leaving he reached over a took the bow from my hands, and then moved the cello away so he could see me clearly. Jasper then took an unnecessary deep breath, his eyes never leaving mine. My heart wouldn't return to a normal pace and I mentally cursed the dominating part of me that was human for giving me away.

"Bea… we need to talk. You can't keep avoiding me like this, and frankly it's killing me inside not being able to talk to you… to touch you…" He reached his hand out to me, and gently stroked my cheek, bringing blood to the surface at the sensation, my breath catching. It would be easier to hate him if he weren't so damn attractive. I didn't have the self control to move away from his touch.

"I'm not sure what we have to say to each other Jasper. You hurt me so much." I couldn't believe we were finally having this conversation, over a month since he'd destroyed any hope I had of us being together.

He looked down at his shoes while he spoke, clearly embarrassed.

"Just listen to me, okay? Can you do that Bea?" I nodded, too unsure of myself to try and speak again. He smiled his stupid half smile at me and began to explain.

"Okay… what you saw that night was just such a shitty thing for either of us to do, but I swear, it's nowhere near as bad you think."

I raised my eyebrows at that comment, but he held a finger up, insisting I continue listening.

"You see, as you know you're part immortal, which means Alice struggles to see your future at all. She's seen 'us' only once, out of the many visions she's had. But she's seen you in the future, not with me, and you were so happy. I thought that meant you didn't want me, I was just too stubborn to let you go. When you let me stay that night, and when you kissed me back, God. You have no idea how happy that made me Bea. Seriously. Then I fucked it all up by trying to control your anxiety… I thought that was it for us."

I opened my mouth to protest, to tell him that I was just mad at the time and was going to forgive him, but he carried on before I could.

"Then I heard you tell Esme you didn't want me, and it was like a hot knife was pushed through my chest, where my heart once beat. I realised it had all been some stupid fantasy of mine: where the human would actually fall for the cold blooded killer, but I guess only Edward is that lucky. Then, you decided to go to that gala, and of course Rosalie dressed you in the most _obscene_ dress possible. Seriously Bea, if I had a heart you would have stopped it in that dress. I knew right then and there that I wanted you, more than I'd ever want anyone else. When you told me you were on the lookout for a guy to hookup with… I freaked out a bit. Instead of actually talking to you I went and found Alice, asking her to check one more time, desperate to hear of a future where you were mine."

His eyes bore into mine so intensely, and I knew from the way he looked at me that I would not like what was coming next.

"She couldn't see you Bea. I don't know why, you just weren't with us at all. I was so devastated, and Alice was there, comforting me and-" Jasper cut himself off mid sentence, but I knew exactly what he was going to say. I sat back slightly, my eyes starting to blur with the first inkling of tears. Jasper reached up and wiped away the one tear that fell onto my cheek, not taking his eyes off mine.

"Alice and I used to sleep together, and I should have told you. We stopped about ten years ago, because it was purely physical, she was too much of a friend for me to see her as anything else. But for some reason I just snapped that night. I was angry at you, at myself, at everyone. It didn't seem fair that Edward got Bella, when I could never have you. You see Bea, we both thought you didn't want me, and that you never would. You know Alice would never want to hurt you. She's been so miserable the past few weeks, it's been killing her inside."

I suddenly felt a pang of guilt, I hadn't given either of them a chance to explain, I'd just assumed the worst. I had missed my best friend, but I had missed Jasper even more. Yet I couldn't forget the image of the two of them that was ingrained in my memory.

I stood up, needing to walk around, feeling too cramped sat on the piano stool with Jasper right in front of me. Jasper's eyes followed me, clearly worried I was going to leave him standing there.

I took a deep breath to steady myself.

"I believe you Jazz. I do. But I can't just forget what I saw. That destroyed me inside. I wanted you to be mine _so badly_. I thought it would be simple and easy. Like breathing."

"I know what I did was appalling Bea, but please just give me a chance. I've missed you so much that I haven't spent a single second thinking of anything other than you. You can ask Edward, I've been driving him crazy." We both laughed at his comment, knowing how much it would have annoyed Edward.

I sighed, taking Jasper's hand in both of mine. He pulled them to his face, gently kissing the back of my hand, sending my heart racing again. I knew that I had no choice, I was just drawn to Jasper in a way I had never felt with anyone else before. I _needed_ to be with him.

"I'll give you a chance Jazz, but I need time. Can you give me that?" He nodded, relief flooding his face.

"And if you _ever_ try to control my emotions again, I will set Bella on you." I threatened, knowing she'd stick up for me.

Jasper pulled me into a hug that was almost bruising, his hand holding my head as he breathed deeply.

"Bea you have no idea how much that means to me. Honestly, I crave you so much. Everything about you is so tantalizing. It draws me to you. Please will you let me stay with you tonight? Nothing other than sleeping, I just need your body near mine." My breathing was calmer now, there was something in me that knew his words were true, and I knew I'd missed him too much to deny myself a night with him.

"Of course Jasper, I'd love that. But right now, I need to find Alice."

Jasper grinned at me.

"She's going to be so happy, she hated herself for what she did to you. Thank you Bea." Jasper whispered the last part of his sentence, and then slowly placed a delicate kiss on my cheek, and then I had to leave the room before I completely melted in his presence.

 **Okay, so I need to know whether you guys think I should include smut in this story or not. I've never written it before, but sex will be a part of Jasper and Bea's relationship. If you think it should be included in the narrative, just mentioned, or you're not bothered either way, please let me know in the review section because I'm really not sure.**


	12. Chapter 12

I had only just made it to the door of Alice's bedroom when the door flung open, revealing the petite vampire, her face lighting up when she saw me.

"Alice, Jasper explained everything, can we please just forget about it?" I begged, rushing my words out, not wanting to have to think about the two of them together ever again.

Alice's face broke out into a huge grin, her eyes full of happiness. "Oh Bea thank you! I'm truly so so sorry, I never-"

"It's okay Alice, like I said, Jasper gave me a full backstory. We're good."

She nodded once, closing her eyes.

"Okay. Does this mean you'll actually start wearing the clothes I bought you again?" I giggled at the fact that she'd immediately started berating me for refusing to wear anything she'd bought me, having to return to my own limited wardrobe. She looked me up and down, clearly disapproving of my choice of leggings and a vest top.

"Of course Alice, but you need to stop buying me clothing." The pixie grimaced.

"Alice…"

"Well, I may have still been buying you stuff, in the hopes that you would actually forgive me." I groaned out loud, as she disappeared and reappeared within a second, ten huge shopping bags in her hands.

I went to sit on Alice's couch, as she showed me everything she'd collected for me. I had to admit, she understood my style so well.

"Oh and this is my favourite!" She squealed, holding up a navy blue, mid thigh length silk dress. "Jasper said it's his favourite colour to see you in- wait! Oh my god, does this mean you and Jasper are..?"

"We're giving it a go, yeah." I smiled awkwardly.

Alice actually clapped, and squealed even louder.

Part of me felt like I'd forgiven the top of them too easily, but it had been weeks and they did both genuinely believe what they did was okay.

"Oh Bea! I'm so happy for you! Jasper has been so lonely and you two are just perfect for each other! I'm so glad you forgave him. And me." I was engulfed in a bone crushing hug by the tiny girl, and I hugged her back. I'd missed my tiny, manic friend.

Alice turned her head slightly as she pulled away, and then smiled.

"Esme says your dinner is ready. I wouldn't keep her waiting."

Their vampire abilities never ceased to amaze me, super hearing included.

I skipped downstairs, feeling buoyed through reconciling with Alice. I thought of Jasper, and my heart actually skipped a beat. Esme noticed, and eyed me inquisitively. She was stood next to Carlisle, his arm around her waist as she was placing my food on the breakfast bar.

"That looks delicious Esme! Thank you. I feel so bad that you cook for me so much though." I said, tucking into the plate of Alfredo. She went out of her way to cater for my vegetarian diet.

"I wouldn't worry Bea." Carlisle assured, "Esme loves cooking for Jacob and Nessie, and with them being away traveling she needs someone to test her cooking." He looked at her lovingly, and Esme stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. To see two parents so loved up made me worry for Chloe back home. I hope she was okay with my parents, she seemed to be a magnet for trouble.

"How old is Nessie?" I questioned, knowing very little about the half mortal.

"Technically she's 11… but she is fully grown and has stopped aging at the physical age of 17." Carlisle explained. I furrowed my brow.

"That's very convenient isn't it?" I laughed.

"How so?"

"Well, she stops aging at the exact same age as her dad. Imagine if Edward had to go round pretending that his daughter is his big sister." I mused.

Esme smiled softly. "I think Edward would just have been glad his daughter can live as long as he does. He loves her with all of his soul."

I could tell the whole family loved Renesmee, and I was intrigued to meet someone who was the same species as I was descended from.

"Saying that," Carlisle interjected. "We nearly lost Bella during her pregnancy. Her heart actually stopped. We can never let that happen again. It's too much of a risk." Carlisle spoke so much like a doctor in these moments. My mind turned over what he'd said, the sudden shift in the conversation making me uneasy.

"But Bella can't get pregnant again? She's a vampire? You said only humans…" my eyes bulged out of my head.

"You don't mean Bella do you?" Esme shook her head as Carlisle took a step towards me.

"If you and Jasper do end up together, we just can't risk the same thing happening. You might be less at risk because of the immortality that runs in your blood, but even that can't save you. Bella was lucky. You might not be."

My mouth was open wide in shock, and my mind was reeling. I shook my head, managing to speak. "Carlisle I don't want that. Why does no one seem to grasp that I don't want to risk my life like that. No vampire baby and no immortality is good for me. Has Edward not told you this?"

Esme and Carlisle both shook their heads. I should really have given Edward more credit.

"Besides, I've told Jasper that now I've forgiven him we're going to take things slowly."

Esme's mouth shot open, and I'm sure she wanted to cry.

"You forgave him?" She gasped. I nodded, taking another bite of the pasta. I nearly choked when Esme pulled me into a hug. This family were so affectionate considering their circumstances.

"Thank you Beatrice. For giving my son a chance. He needs you." Esme whispered.

I hugged her back. "I think I need him too." I replied.

"So your parents tried to give me the vampire sex talk."

I informed Jasper. We were sat on the couch in the main living room, watching mindless rubbish on the TV.

I'd waited for Carlisle and Esme to go out for a hunt as I finished washing the dishes before I breached the topic.

"The… the vampire sex talk?" Jasper was sat so he wasn't touching me, knowing I wanted to take things slow.

"Yep. The usual. 'Don't sleep with Jasper, you'll die.'" I laughed. Jasper looked incredibly confused.

"What did they say exactly Bea?" He was more serious than I'd expected, turning my light joke into something more.

"Just that if we were to… have sex." My cheeks were definitely bright red. "Then I'd have to go through what Bella did. Except according to Carlisle I wouldn't be as lucky as she was…"

Jasper stilled, and was staring straight ahead, not looking at me or the tv.

"Carlisle shouldn't have said that." He growled.

"It's okay Jazz, I don't want kids anyway, it's not a big deal. Unless… do you want kids?" I asked.

Jasper shook his head. "No, I've never really wanted a child, that's more Rose's thing. But Carlisle shouldn't just assume we would be as reckless as Bella and Edward. We didn't even know that vampires could even have children. Edward's seventeen and took a risk. Bea, you're twenty and we know what could happen now. That makes everything different." Jasper was getting more worked up about the whole situation and I had to try to calm him down before he got carried away with his worrying.

"Jazz, Jazz look at me." I shifted closer to him and placed my hand on his cheek so he'd turn to me.

"We're not them Jazz. Carlisle is just making sure we're not risking anything. We know how to avoid pregnancy, obviously, whether we try sleeping together or not is something we can discuss way in the future. But I plan on living a normal and human life. Well, as human as I can be." I laughed. My hand was now resting on Jasper's knee, trying to comfort him. His eyes met mine and his brows furrowed.

"You mean, you want to stay human forever?" He seemed shocked. He knew this, surely? I hadn't exactly hidden my distaste for immortality. I loved the Cullens, but I didn't want that life for myself.

"Of course Jasper, I just want to get my degree, get a job, and spend my life being happy. Hopefully with you by my side." I smiled. Jasper still looked uncomfortable, but I couldn't understand why. "What's up Jasper? What have I said?"

Jasper looked up at me, his face still showed inexplicable hurt.

"I don't- I'm not sure how I will cope with falling for you and then having to let you go Bea. Even if it's in eighty years, it's going to be too soon."

It was slightly unnerving to hear Jasper talk about our entire future together so seriously. We knew we had something that neither of us had before, but to hear him say it with such certainty shocked me.

"I'm sorry Jasper. But we can make the most of what we have, and think ourselves lucky we have that much."

He nodded his head, and shifted closer to me. His hand was now on my face, and his other hand on my waist.

"You're right." He whispered, "I'm being selfish. I'm sorry." My breathing sped up at his proximity. I wanted to take things slowly, but when he was this close to me I wanted nothing more than to let my instincts take over.

"One more thing." I whispered.

"Mhm." Jasper replied, staring at my lips.

"My blood doesn't attract you. Right?" It'd been on my mind for awhile, I knew what Carlisle had said, but I also knew that Jasper had been off human blood for less time than the others in the family.

"I smell your blood, and it entices me, but never enough to break my will. I'm stronger than that." Jasper mumbled, and I believed him.

The intense nature of the conversation was tangible, the air thick.

"Okay." I breathed. And then my lips met Jasper's, neither of us being able to stand the tension any longer. My hand reached for his blonde hair, tangling my fingers at the roots, causing him to moan. Our lips moved fervently together, months of built up feelings overflowing, as Jasper's hand on my waist moved to my back, pulling me closer to him.

"Woaaaaaah guys. Calm it down a bit, we all sit on that couch." Emmett interrupted. Of course.

Jasper groaned and pulled away from me, and turned to glare at his brother.

"Emmett, I swear to god… I don't interrupt you and Rosalie." Jasper warned.

"That's because you're scared of what you see." Emmett winked.

"I think we all are." I responded, smiling at him.

"Just be careful Jasper, you'll break her if you're not careful." I glared at Emmett, fed up of people telling Jasper and I to be careful. We were adults, not children.

"Well, I'm gonna grab a shower and then head to bed. I'll see you upstairs in twenty minutes Jazz?" I asked.

He nodded in reply, and I left before Emmett could continue his onslaught of teasing.

When I got to my ensuite I pulled off my leggings and top, turning the shower on, and stepped into the boiling water. The heat relaxed me, my shoulders unwinding and my muscles feeling less tense. I didn't spend too long showering, wanting to see Jasper again.

I turned the shower off, wiping off the remains of my makeup from the day and towelling off, before putting on my silk pyjama shorts and top, which Alice had given me that day.

My hair was still damp but I didn't want to spend more time away from Jasper, so I left it as it was, and went back into my bedroom.

Jasper was waiting, stood by the door, seemingly unsure of whether he should come in or not.

"Hey honey." I spoke as I climbed into bed. "What are you doing over there? Come on, join me."

Jasper took one unsure step forward and then walked towards me, slipping off his shoes and jeans. Oh.

He watched my wandering gaze and smiled his half smile.

"I just figured it'd be more comfortable for you if I weren't wearing denim. I'll leave my top on though, so you don't freeze." All I could do was nod in response, biting my lip as he lifted up the duvet and slid into the bed, his black eyes glistening.

"You know Jasper, I was serious when I said I want to take things slow. What you did can't just be forgotten, it hurt me so badly." Jasper closed his eyes and took a breath.

"I know Bea. I'm sorry. I just get so carried away when I'm near you, I struggle to control myself. I'll make more of an effort, I promise." He said sincerely.

I smiled, and lifted up his arm so I could lie on his chest, part of me expecting to hear his heartbeat, until I remembered he didn't have one.

"Thank you Jazz. And thank you for staying with me for the night. Don't you need a book?" I realised that he hadn't actually bought one with him.

"That was more just for show really Bea, I prefer to watch you as you sleep. You look so peaceful and you scowl less." He teased.

I was slightly taken aback by his comment, but flattered at the same time. I let out a yawn, not realising I was so tired.

"Come on Bea, time to sleep." He soothed.

I wanted to protest, to spend more time talking to him, but I knew sleep would take over me soon whether I wanted it to or not.

I curled up against his side and closed my eyes.

"Night Jasper."

"Goodnight darlin'. Sleep tight."


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning I woke up to an empty bed. I stretched out to find Jasper's cold form next to me but my hands clasped the rumpled sheets.

I sat up, my hair a tangled orange mess and my head spinning. I looked next to me, making sure he wasn't just sat at my desk or on the couch. I wasn't imagining it, he genuinely wasn't there. My stomach flipped. What did I do?

Throwing the sheets off me I ran downstairs, coming to an abrupt halt when I slammed into Carlisle's outstretched hands.

"Careful Beatrice, you're going to hurt yourself." He warned in his fatherly tone.

"Sorry Carlisle." I breathed. "Where's Jasper? He wasn't there when I woke up."

Carlisle gestures for me to walk to the living room where I had been playing the cello last night, confused as to what he wanted to show me.

"Jasper had to leave to hunt, he wanted to be back before you awoke, but he seemingly overestimated your ability to sleep." He chuckled. Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulder and turned me towards the piano, where a brand new, oak cello stood, shining in the little sun that shone through the glass wall facing the forest.

"He did ask me show you this in case you woke up before he returned. He said it's to say sorry." Carlisle smiled.

I stepped forward, my hand outreached to stroke the beautiful instrument. I felt my eyes well up.

"It's so beautiful." I whispered.

"You're welcome."

I spun around to see the Texan stood in the doorway, grinning at me. His eyes were back to the gorgeous golden yellow I loved so much, that matched his tousled hair. He opened his arms to me, and I didn't hesitate to fall into them.

"Good morning beautiful." He muttered, and then laughed as my heart rate doubled. I watched over Jasper's shoulder as Carlisle left the room, giving us some privacy.

"It's so beautiful Jazz. I love it." I said sincerely. No one had ever paid so much attention to my hobbies.

"This means Edward can take back that battered, old cello back to college today."

"Why Edward?" I wondered. "I can cope with it."

"Because" Jasper muttered into my hair. "You're riding with me on my bike this morning."

The thought of riding Jasper's bike again excited me, both because of the adrenaline rush it gave me. That and the fact that everyone at college would know he's mine. I already felt possessive over him.

"In that case, I need to get dressed and try to sort out my hair. I look like a mess." I giggled.

"Trust me, you are the opposite of a mess." He murmured, leaning down to kiss me quickly on the lips. The kiss was brief, both of us knowing that we'd be late for college if it became anything more.

I turned to run upstairs, and Jasper gave me a smack on my bum as I left the room, smirking at me.

I was surprisingly excited to make use of my wardrobe now that I had forgiven Alice.

I picked out a cashmere, cream sweater, a plaid, pleated skirt, and black knee high boots. I could practically see Alice's approving look. Maybe I'm psychic too.

My hair was a birds nest, despite Jasper saying otherwise, so I yanked a brush through it and tried to straighten it, which worked good enough for me to be satisfied. My makeup took me 10 minutes and I applied my red lipstick, feeling like it'd be a day when I needed it. Lots of people would be staring at me.

My bag was packed already, so I walked downstairs to see Jasper already dressed for the day, a black leather jacket on his arm, and a helmet on the table next to him.

Esme was sat on the couch, reading a book, and Rosalie and Bella were both ready to leave.

"Come on Darlin', I want to grab you a coffee when we get to college." The fact that Jasper remembered the little details about me was so sweet, he was genuinely a good guy. Most people who went through what he had would be bitter and rude, but he didn't have the capability to be.

When we arrived at college Jasper ordered my coffee for me without even having to ask me how I drank it, and handed me the black coffee, which immediately warmed my hands, which were cold from Jasper's touch.

Jasper wrapped his arm around my waist, walking me to my English literature class, where I'd be meeting Bella.

I was right about the attention I'd get on Jasper's arm. So many girls stared at me, and of course some guys.

I could tell Jasper wasn't comfortable with the attention, his grasp around me getting firmer.

"What's up Jazz?"

"I'm worried, so many people are staring at us, what if they start to get suspicious? We like to keep a low profile." I raised my eyebrows at his statement.

"Jasper, I don't think any of you guys could ever keep a low profile. Have you seen you? Everyone stares at you regardless." I informed him as we reached my classroom. He turned to face me.

"I guess I'm just noticing it more because you're with me. I don't like people staring at you." He admitted. I smiled at him, holding his hand.

"They're staring at you honey, don't worry."

He shook his head, and then Bella joined us, smiling shyly.

"Hey guys, shall we go in Beatrice?" Bella greeted us.

"Yeah let's go, see you later Jazz. I'll meet you at lunch?"

I asked. He kissed my cheek, and told me he'd meet me in Esme's classroom.

I loved spending time in my English Lit class with Bella, she was such a genuinely nice person and I never felt like she was judging me, especially when it came to Jasper.

I sat down next to her in our usual seats, pulling out my laptop, my glasses and my copy of Wuthering Heights. Bella apparently loved the assigned reading, even going as far as to say it was one of her favourite books, but I couldn't share her enthusiasm. The book had always eluded me. I couldn't see how anyone could consider it a romance, the amount of pain all the characters had put each other through just seemed implausible to me. Bella clearly didn't see it that way.

I mean, how wrong is it to marry daughter of the woman you loved? That's just weird on so many levels.

I started to zone out, the professor's voice fading out as I found myself thinking of Jasper. The image of his golden eyes full of love clouded my brain, and even in my imagination I got lost in them. Everything about Jasper drew me in, it was as if he was designed to be my personal weakness. I knew part of it was down to the fact that he was a vampire, made to lure in his prey, but none of the other Cullen's held the same appeal as him. It was an inexplicable connection.

"Beatrice." I felt Bella's elbow jab me.

"Ow!" I exclaimed.

"Sorry." Bella winced, "I don't spend much time around humans." I told her not to worry about it, but I knew I'd wake up to a bruise. It turned out class had ended and Bella noticed I was lost in my thoughts, thank god it was Bella and not her mind reading husband I spent English class with.

"Sorry Bella, I lost track of time."

She smiled, "It's okay, you didn't miss much." Reassuring me. I supposed you didn't have to pay much attention to a mundane college class when you have all of eternity to study.

I'd packed up my supplies and walked out the room with the brunette, leaving her when I had to go to my next class, the only class I didn't share with a Cullen. I actually tried to pay attention in my economics lecture, knowing I had to work to stay at the top of my class. I had no chance of being top in any class with my foster family, they were unbeatable, with no need to sleep and centuries to read. But in economics I actually stood a chance, and I revelled in that. I put in the work, I deserved it.

After economics I wandered over to Esme's classroom, hoping to fall into the old routine I'd developed with her, Alice and Jasper. However, when I got there Esme was nowhere to be seen, or Alice. Just my beautiful, golden haired god, stood leaning against the door, headphones in, his eyes closed. I knew he'd sensed my presence because he smiled slightly as I got closer, so I walked up to him, placing a gentle kiss on his smiling lips.

He didn't open his eyes as I pulled away, but his smile grew and he said "Hello beautiful."

Butterflies filled my stomach at the two simple words. No guy I'd ever dated had the power to do that, and I loved it.

"No Esme? Or Alice?" I questioned, as Jasper pulled his headphones out and opened his eyes.

"Nope. I thought we could have an hour to ourselves, Esme has a faculty meeting and Alice wanted to see Bella and Edward." He explained, as he opened Esme's classroom door and gestured for me to enter. I followed him, wondering what he'd planned for the next hour that would follow.

He pulled up a chair on the other side of his mom's desk as I sat in the swivel chair that Esme normally used.

"Come on then cowboy, why have you dragged me in here?" I teased. He smiled at me, and then opened up his messenger bag and pulled out a salad and a bottle of water, which he then placed in front of me.

"I knew you'd forgotten your lunch this morning, and Esme said you'd like a salad."

I ripped open the salad slightly too enthusiastically whilst thanking him profusely. The salad was delicious, and I gulped down the ice cold. Only I drank and ate slightly too quickly, and much to my embarrassment I started hiccuping. I blushed bright red and covered my mouth, trying to stifle the hiccups, which did not even remotely work.

Jasper grinned at my human reaction, and his face genuinely lit up.

"How are you so cute?" He gushed, and I was thrown by how soft and human he seemed in that moment.

"You'll have to get used to my embarrassing human moments because they're not going anywhere." I said, and his smile shrank slightly, but his eyes still remained soft.

"No they're not." He confirmed.

My hiccups finally faded out, much to my delight. I did briefly wonder what it would be like to not have to deal with any human bodily functions, but I'd rather put up with them than become a vampire for the rest of eternity.

Neither of us had any classes after lunch so we rode home together on Jasper's bike. When we walked through the front door we found Rosalie and Emmett sat watching tv together, while Edward was reading a book.

"Hey guys, how's your day been?" I asked.

"Boring." Emmett sighed, while Rosalie rolled her eyes at her husband.

I smiled at him and went to sit by the window, pulling out my maths textbook, which was by far my worst subject, and placed my glasses on my face, knowing the reading would give me an awful headache if I didn't. Jasper wandered off somewhere, probably to his room, so I concentrated on the equations that were on the pages in front of me.

I was lost in a world of division and multiplication when Edward shocked me, suddenly standing up straight, staring at the phone that was now in his hand. His expression was one of intense joy.

"Renesmee and Jacob are coming home! They'll be back a month today." He beamed.

It was so bizarre to think of this seventeen year old as a father most of the time, but when he spoke of Renesmee you could see how much he truly loved her.

Rosalie was the first to reply, before I even had chance to look up from my textbook.

"She'll be back just in time for the wedding! Oh she will make the most beautiful bridesmaid." Rosalie held almost the same amount of love for the girl as Edward did.

"Wait, what wedding?" I interjected. Edward ignored me, already on the phone to Bella to give her the good news about her daughter.

"Emmett and I are getting married."

"Again." Emmett added with humour.

"We renew our vows every decade or so when we move to a new place, it gives Alice an excuse to throw a party and we get to see our friends. Plus, I love seeing Emmett in a tux." Rosalie smiled. "I'd presumed Alice or Jasper had told you?" I simply shook my head in reply, secretly excited at the prospect of a wedding.

"You need to be a bridesmaid too Bea, Alice hasn't bought the dresses yet, and I'd love to have you be part of the wedding." Emmett nodded in agreement, and my heart swelled. I'd never been a bridesmaid before and to be one for Rosalie, someone I admired so much was amazing. Although a small part of me wondered if she wanted me up there to counteract the perfect vampires. Kind of a 'look! We're completely normal!' Sort of thing.

Edward smiled slightly at me, apparently I was partly right. I don't blame her though.

"I'd love to Rose! And I'm so excited to meet Renesmee and Jake, will they be joining us at college?" I knew Rosalie would know the answer.

"They'll probably be going travelling again soon, this is the first time they've had alone together since they met." She answered.

Emmett smirked. "That's because she was a baby Rose, no wonder Bella didn't let her travel with him, I wouldn't let our child run away with any guy." Renesmee was a baby when they met? What? I was definitely going to have to question Jasper on that later on. But my attention was directed to Rosalie, who, Instead of getting annoyed, or even laughing, turned to Emmett, her eyes full of pain.

"Well we'll never know, will we Emmett?" She spat, and stormed outside to the forest. Emmett didn't get up to follow her, just watched her with a sadness I never expected from him.

I watched Rosalie disappear into the woods, and I felt drawn to follow her. I went to stand, but Edward just shook his head.

"There's no point Bea, she's just upset." He insisted.

"Well Edward, when my friends are upset I tend to talk to them to see if I can help." I replied.

"You can't help her Bea, it's difficult." Emmett said.

I didn't listen to either of them, knowing Rosalie well enough to suspect she'd want to talk to someone. So I got up, closing my textbook, and I purposely slammed it down onto the coffee table, leaving the house to find my friend.

She hadn't made it very far, only about fifty meters from the house. Rosalie was sat on the floor, her arms wrapped around her knees and her gaze distant as she stared straight ahead.

"I don't need your pity Beatrice." She sighed. There was no malice in her voice, just pain.

"I'm not here to pity you Rose, just to talk to you. If you want to talk?" I asked cautiously.

The blonde nodded once and shifted to give me room to sit next to her. I sat down.

We were silent for a few minutes, I didn't want to push her.

"I always wanted a child Bea. A beautiful little boy or girl to call my own. I had a friend when I was human, called Vera. She had a little boy and he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen with my human eyes. I'd never envied anyone, but I envied Vera. When Carlisle turned me I knew I had no chance of ever having a child." I understood her sorrow, not that I wanted a child for myself, but I could understand why Rosalie would want that.

"When… when Bella had Renesmee I was so elated. Finally a baby that was part of our family, but she was still Bella and Edward's, you know? I will always be Auntie Rosalie. Auntie Rosalie and never mom." The heartbreak in her voice was palpable, and my heart hurt just hearing her. Rosalie, the most beautiful woman, who had everything, would always be missing something.

"Could you adopt?" I asked, knowing it was a stupid question. Rosalie laughed, but there was no humour in her voice.

"We're vampires Bea, there are too many formalities and technicalities to deal with, believe me, we've looked into it. We've looked into every option."

I didn't reply, my mind whirring at the same time trying to comprehend Rosalie's heartache and want. There was nothing I could do to help her. Apart from… maybe I could help?

"Rose…" I cautioned. She looked up at me, clearly not seeing where I could be going.

"What if… what if I had a child for you?"

There was a moment, barely a few seconds, before Rosalie's mouth dropped open, and I could swear she would have burst into tears if she could.

"I mean, it'd be a human baby, obviously, but you could raise it as your own child, and I'd be around for the first few years but... it'd be your child. Yours and Emmett's." I rushed out my words, hoping Rosalie wouldn't think I was being rude.

"You'd do that for me?" She gasped.

I nodded. "Consider it a wedding present."

Rosalie said nothing, but pulled me into a hug that actually hurt, and I knew I'd have more bruises to show for it, but I couldn't bare to ruin this moment for her.

"Could we wait a few months first though? Until my first year of college is over? I can take a year out after my first year and work for a bit so I can fund myself more through college, and if we find a sperm donor in that time then you and Emmett can be the legal parents?"

I knew what I was suggesting was risky and completely reckless, but I could see how much joy it brought Rosalie. Her life would finally be perfect.

"But, could we maybe not tell Jasper for a while? Until I finish my first year, just because it might freak him out a bit." I could picture his face just thinking about it.

"Of course Bea. Whatever you want, anything. I can't believe you're doing this for me. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"I love you Rose. I hope you know that."

"I love you too Bea. More than you could realise."


	14. Chapter 14

Rosalie had told Emmett the news in a whisper that I couldn't even hear, and he ran over to me, giving me another hug. I was getting used the contact from the Cullens. He hadn't said anything to me, just grinned. Edward had heard Rosalie and Emmett's thoughts and stared at me, but he said nothing.

 _I've thought it through Edward. Please don't ruin this for them. Keep it between us for now._ He nodded once, but clearly didn't approve, his gaze not leaving me. At least it wasn't a half vampire baby that could kill me before I even gave birth to it.

I left the elated couple and Edward to plan for Renesmee and Jacob's return, and I decided to skype Chloe.

I ran up the stairs, taking two at a time, desperate to talk to my little sister.

I loaded the app and sat, waiting a few seconds, and then her smiling face popped up on my phone screen.

Her long, corn silk hair framed her pale face, her blue eyes shining back at me. I wish I'd got bed blue eyes, but I got my dad's flat, grey eyes. Chloe was 17, and she looked so much more innocent for it.

"Hey Chlo! How're you doing?"

"Hey! I've missed you Bea. I'm good, not much really going on to be honest, but Mum and Dad are fighting again." I grimaced, knowing how horrible their fighting was. They weren't bad people, they'd just fallen out of love and we got caught in the cross-fire.

"Are you ever going to tell them that you're staying with your boyfriend and his family?" She asked.

She knew all about Jasper and his family, apart from the key detail. I knew it affected her too, but I wanted to wait to tell her in person so I could control her reaction more.

We continued to speak for an hour about nothing, her childish innocence was so endearing. I missed my little sister dearly. I finished the Skype call with a promise to speak to her again within a week.

As soon as the app was closed down I felt Jasper's cold, firm arms wrap around my waist. I lent back into his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent. I hadn't even heard him enter my room.

"I'm worried about her Jazz. My parents are fighting more and more and she's struggling." He turned me round to look at him, and his hands stayed on my waist.

"If it gets too bad for her she can come and stay with us for a week or two, to give her a break." He suggested.

I liked the thought of seeing her again, even if it meant risking her finding out about vampires.

"I'd like that Jazz." I said, following it up with a kiss on his lips. I would never get enough of the sensation I felt when I was near him, which was always intensified when he touched me.

"Did you know I'm a bridesmaid for your sister?" I smiled.

"I heard, you'll look beautiful darlin'. You always do. I'm so glad my family love you so much." Jasper smiled.

I was happy they loved me too, but I was still slightly unsure as to why they cared for me so much and after only knowing me for a month. I just knew Chloe would adore them as much as I did.

"Are you excited to see Renesmee again?" I asked, changing the subject.

"I am, Nessie is lovely. Edward and Bella will be glad to have her back." He replied.

It was amazing how much the Cullens unconditionally loved Renesmee, or Nessie. I wondered if I'd get on with her. I'd seen a few photos of Renesmee around the house and she was undoubtedly beautiful, but I knew she'd be even more attractive in person, none of the photos in the house did the Cullens justice. Not even my memory did, as every time I saw them I was dazzled by their impeccable beauty.

Jasper had noticed I was lost in my thoughts as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and stroked my cheek.

"You know, you might have to pose as Edward and Nessie's sister when we move in a few years. You all have the ginger hair." He winked, wrapping a lock of my waist length hair around his nimble finger.

"At this rate I'm going to be the oldest of all of you, I can hardly be 30 and pretending to be a teenager can I?" I winced.

"I mean… you could solve that pretty easily you know. 20 forever…" he ventured. I sighed at his continuing attempt at taking my humanity.

"Jasper, you don't have to stay with me when I start to get older, but I'm not staying 20 forever. You know that."

This time it was Jasper's turn to sigh, his eyes burning.

"I can hope Bea."

"You wouldn't want that Jazz, I'd be a crazed newborn who wants nothing but human blood. I wouldn't be me anymore." He smiled sadly.

"I wouldn't be warm, or soft. Wouldn't you miss that?" I murmured.

"That's true. I definitely would miss that. And how much you blush."

"I hardly ever blush!" I protested indignantly. He rose one eyebrow at me inquisitively.

"Really?" He grinned.

The next second I was lying on my back on my huge bed, Jasper bearing over me, pinning my hands above my head with only one of his. And sure enough, my cheeks flushed. My body was a traitor to me.

"Okay. You win." I confessed. Jasper didn't have time to gloat, before his lips were on mine again, moving fervently against mine, pressing his hips against mine.

"Jasper!" I gasped, the contact surprising me.

"I'm sorry. I get so carried away with you." He confessed, staring deep into my eyes. The eye contact made me weak. Everything Jasper did made me weak.

I couldn't shake Carlisle's warning from my head, but all he said is that we couldn't have sex. Nothing about everything in between… right?

"It's okay. It just shocked me. I don't mind." I blushed an even brighter shade of red.

In reply to my confession he kissed me deeper, pressing down with his hips again, causing mine to buck and a moan left my mouth.

"Careful darlin'." He warned. "Emmett and Edward are still downstairs with Rose. They're watching tv but we need to keep it down." Stupid vampire hearing. I don't think that would ever stop annoying me.

"I've been wanting to get my hands on you all day Bea. You look so good in this skirt. I need to thank Alice later." He clutched the hem of my skirt in his free hand, and I made a mental note to thank Alice myself.

But in that second, I couldn't bring myself to care too much, with Jasper kissing me with such intensity, I focused on nothing else but him, and where our bodies met.

Nearly two hours later I made my way to the kitchen downstairs, my need for food beginning to out way my need for Jasper momentarily. Jasper had gone to his room, wanting to get a fresh change of clothes.

Emmett was in the living room, watching some football game on the tv, Carlisle sat next to him.

"Hey Bea. Managed to drag yourself away from Jasper finally? You two should be behaving yourselves." Emmett teased. I rolled my eyes as he laughed loudly, clapping his hands together in his glee at annoying me.

"Do you like commenting on every single thing Jasper and I do?" I retorted. I took a bite out of my sandwich, my eyes flickering to Carlisle, who hadn't said a word but looked on with concern.

"It's kinda difficult not to when we hear everything you two say." Emmett said. I was speechless for a second, my sandwich forgotten. Surely their hearing wasn't _that_ good? Wouldn't someone other than Emmett have told us?

"By everything…"

"I mean _everything."_ Emmett winked. My eyes flashed to Carlisle, who made no indication of disagreeing.

"Well fantastic. Guess I'm never saying a word to Jasper in this house again unless it's reading bible scripture or reciting poetry." I groaned.

Carlisle did laugh at my comment, but he was still uneasy. Did he really not trust Jasper and I at all? We hadn't done anything that even involved taking our clothes off. I couldn't see any problem with that. If it were up to me we would have gone a lot further, but Jasper was too much of a gentleman. Thinking about it in hindsight I realised that Jasper must have been fully aware of the way everyone could hear me, and wanted to save me anymore shame. I wondered idly about how far I could push his self-control. That could be a fun game to play later.

"It's okay, at least you seem to be having more fun than Edward and Bella, do you know they didn't even break anything?"

"You break things?" I exclaimed. That genuinely had shocked me, but then again, this was Emmett and Rosalie we were talking about.

"If you're doing it right you do." He retorted. The smirk never once left his face, a stark contrast to Carlisle's single frown. I had a feeling he would be talking to Jasper later.

"Well… that's far too much detail for me Emmett, so I'm going to go to bed now. To sleep." I added before he could suggest otherwise.

I trudged up the stairs, ready for a good night's sleep after a quick shower. As I showered I considered Jasper's chivalry and how far I could push his self control. Maybe I could play a little game, just for fun.

I slipped on a set of lacy red underwear, and one of Jasper's t shirts that he'd left in my room, and sat on my bed, my legs outstretched in front of me and passed the time by reading Wuthering Heights for my class, my glasses perched on my makeup free face.

I was getting to the part where Edgar demands that Catherine must choose between him and Heathcliff, when I heard my bedroom door open. I didn't look up from my book, pretending to be completely engrossed in the futile love triangle on the pages before me.

"You're in an interesting mood?" Jasper noticed, as he sat down next to me. I glanced up, seeing his eyes on my alabaster legs.

"I am?" I teased.

"Mhm. Playful. I like it." He replied. I didn't mind so much when he felt my moods, that I could stand, it was when he controlled them that I would get upset.

"Speaking of moods." He continued, "do you know what's going on with Rosalie? She's in an eerily good mood. Emmett too, but he always is." I didn't want to alert Jasper to my intentions just yet, and tried to keep my heart rate calm. I shrugged.

"It's probably just because Renesmee is coming home. I wouldn't think too much of it." I lied smoothly. Jasper seemed to take my excuse for Rosalie's joy, and instead turned his attention back to my long legs. He placed one large hand on my thigh, glancing up at my face to gauge my reaction. I shivered involuntary, both because of cold touch and the intimacy of the action.

"I'm going to grab a sweater." I said, jumping up from my bed and walking to my ever expanding wardrobe. My sweaters were kept on the very top shelf, something which I'd known when I concocted my plan.

I reached up, stretching slightly more than necessary to grab the sweater Jasper had lent me the first day we'd met, when I'd ended up in the hospital. I felt Jasper's gaze boring into me as my lace panties were exposed. I was too nervous to look, wondering if he thought I was being presumptuous or loose. He was from a different century to me, one where women would never act so improperly.

I slipped Jasper's t shirt over my head, and slowly turned around to face him, hesitating a split second before replacing the t shirt with the cashmere jumper. Jasper stared at me with such an intensity that I had no doubt that he wanted me. I crawled onto the bed, straddling Jasper as his back rested against the headboard.

"What's up honey?" I asked feigning innocence.

"You know full well what's 'up'. Is there any particular reason you're teasing me so mercilessly?" He knew me so well.

"You're trying to be chivalrous aren't you? By not wanting everyone to hear me?"

"Perhaps." He smiled, his hands on my hips. He was fully aware of the position I was sat in and he clearly enjoyed it.

"I was wondering how far I could push you, to see if your will would snap." I confessed, biting my lip in shame.

"Bea, if it weren't for my family being in this very house there are so many things I'd be doing to you right now. But, as it happens, I have four siblings and my adopted parents who can most likely hear every single thing you say to me." He raised his eyebrows to prove his point, as I heard Emmett's loud guffaw from downstairs.

I sighed. "It's probably a good idea… Carlisle doesn't seem to approve of us."

"Carlisle loves the two of us being a couple. He doesn't like that we are being so reckless together. But I can control it, I have centuries of practice." He assured me.

"Just let Carlisle worry, he's my dad after all."Jasper smiled.

"Now, if you don't plan on breaking my last ounce of self control, you should probably get off me and cover yourself up a bit." Jasper warned. I begrudgingly climbed off of my boyfriend, and pulled the down duvet over me.

"Emmett said that when vampires have sex they break a lot of things. Well, apart from Bella and Edward. Is that true?" I questioned.

Jasper turned to me, placing his hand on my waist over the cover.

"It's true. Emmett and Rosalie were atrocious I've heard. They had to have their own house for ten years apparently. And even now they're at it every night. They're better than they used to be, but I'm genuinely surprised you sleep through it sometimes." Jasper winced.

I was admittedly surprised; I'd genuinely had no idea they were so… boisterous. I'd not heard a peep. No wonder Jasper was so exasperated that Emmett was the one teasing _us_ when he and Rosalie were so awful themselves.

"That's far too much information for me, I don't need to think of them like that." I stated.

"I'm probably going to have nightmares after hearing that."

"Don't worry beautiful, I'll be right here if you do. But I'd advise staying asleep, unless you want to hear them first hand." He joked. I shivered at the thought.

"Fast asleep for me then!" I smiled, squeezing my eyes shut tight, humoring him.

"Sleep tight darlin', I'm always going to be right here when you wake up. I promise."

And with Jasper's promise echoing through my mind, I let myself drift off to sleep.

 **Okay so** **technically** **this wasn't smut? People were divided on whether smut should be included or not, so I'm trying to go for a subtle kinda retelling, not too graphic but enough to know they're not exactly just cuddling. Later on sex plays quite vital role so it might get a bit more vivid but we'll see.**


	15. Chapter 15

The day Renesmee and Jacob arrived I decided to spend the day shopping, using it as an excuse to get out of the house and give the Cullens the chance to catch up with their youngest family member.

I felt awkward being around everyone as they spoke and planned for their arrival, not knowing the two myself. Jasper had tried to insist that I stay and meet them with everyone else, but I knew they wouldn't particularly mind my absence. And in all honesty, I was already intimidated by the girl that I shared the closest DNA sequence too. It was foolish to admit, even to myself, but I felt special, being part vampire, but she was more so. Which in some childish way made her more special in my mind. Renesmee has inherited the shocking good looks of all the Cullens, but my vampirism was so strained that I just looked like a regular human. No luminescent skin, still aging, and no supernatural beauty. I had inherited a few traits obviously, such as my coordination, my paper-white skin, and my fascination for blood. Nothing that I could use to my advantage in life.

I was also apprehensive about how the dynamics of the home would change with two more people added, especially one who they all seemed to rotate around. I'd fallen easily into the pattern I'd found with the Cullens, I knew how we interacted and what role everyone had, would that all change with Renesmee's arrival? Not to mention the werewolf. A fucking werewolf. I hadn't even considered the dynamics of that.

Jasper had explained Renesmee and Jacob's relationship to me when I'd enquired one night, and it was weird enough that I hadn't wanted to bring it up again. How Edward allowed them to be together was beyond me.

" _It's not something that can be allowed Bea. It's fate."_ Jasper had told me. Still, it was weird.

I was in some clothing shop, looking for anything new that caught my eye, but I was too distracted to care as much as I normally would have. The only thing that made me pick out a few items of clothing was the reminder from Alice that ran through my mind. " _You'll need to buy some new clothes Bea, I'm donating most of last season's wardrobe to the goodwill next week."_

Why she couldn't just let me wear what I wanted as many times as I chose was beyond me, but it made her happy, so I complied, much like the rest of the family did.

I payed for the bag full of clothes using the credit card Alice had made me swear to use, and then realised with a sigh that I'd been out of the house so long it was starting to be obvious I was avoiding returning. With some reluctance I pulled out my phone and text Carlisle, knowing Edward and Rosalie would be too caught up in Renesmee to come and get me, and I didn't want to try and fit on Jasper's bike with my shopping bag. Alice was absorbed in finalising the details for Rosalie and Emmett's wedding which was now only four days away, so I thought it best not to disturb her. I missed my car from home: I could go wherever I wanted, now I had to get the bus or be ferried around.

It would take Carlisle thirty minutes before he'd be reach me, and the weather was too unpleasant for me to hang around on the street, so I waited in a coffee shop on the main street, picking up a black coffee while I waited.

I was watching the rain pour against the coffee shop window as I took a grateful sip of the hot drink, desperate for a caffeine boost before I faced the newcomers. I guess I was actually the new comer to them. They'd never met me. What if they thought I was intruding on their home? Maybe they'd really dislike me and I'd have to move back into my dorm room and struggle to actually live with how little money I had. I was starting to take for granted the life I'd been living the past three months, and I made a mental note to thank them all when I had the chance.

I was drawn away from my panicking by Carlisle pulling up in front of the café, his black Mercedes shining in the downpour. I grabbed my bags and yanked my hood over my hair, leaving a tip on the table as I exited the warmth of the coffee shop, only to be greeted with the hot air blasting from Carlisle's heater in his car, as he opened the door for me, getting himself damp in the process.

Once he'd shut my door and climbed in gracefully to the driver's seat I lent over and gave him a kiss on the cheek to say thank you, and he smiled at me with the look that felt more fatherly than any look my own dad had ever given me.

"Thank you for coming to get me Carlisle." I shivered, as I held my freezing hands over the vents, my heart swelling at the realisation that he would only have put the heat on for me.

"Not at all Bea, we're always here for you. Although, Esme mentioned it, and we were wondering, would you prefer a car of your own? You can drive right?" He questioned casually.

"As great as that would be, I can hardly afford a car and insurance if I can't even afford to live on campus without nearly starving." I reminded him.

"I didn't mean you buy yourself a car Beatrice, we'd pay for it. You are living with us after all."

My eyebrows shot up, shock written clearly on my face.

"Not a chance Carlisle. After everything you have done for me you are _not_ buying me a car! That's just so extravagant. Besides, I hardly ever go anywhere on my own. It's just not necessary." I protested, desperate for the Cullens to stop treating my like I was one of them forever.

He smiled again, his eyes not leaving the road that twisted before us in the dimming light.

"Okay, no car." He confirmed, but I was sure he was smiling slightly to himself.

When we pulled up at the house it hit me again, that there would be strangers inside, who saw me the same way. Except they were actually family, and I was not.

I knew Carlisle could hear my heart thumping at twice the normal rate, and he could hear my heavy breathing as I started to panic, but he said nothing, knowing I had to work through my anxiety on my own. Instead he opened my car door, and picked up my bags for me, leading the way into the glass house.

When I walked through the door no one paid any attention to me, apart from Jasper who ran over, greeting me with a kiss. I smiled up at him, and he frowned, feeling how tense I was.

I examined the room, seeing that everyone was here, their backs to me or facing away, as a red-headed seventeen year old sat on the lap of a russet skinned man, who looked to be in his mid twenties. Her eyes shone as everyone hung onto her every word, Edward and Bella sat next to her, Bella holding her hand. The girl didn't even look up at me, but it was her boyfriend who noticed me, his eyes locking with my wide ones.

Whatever thought passed through his mind when he saw me made Edward finally notice my presence, and he smiled at me.

"Nessie, Jacob, this is Beatrice, she's staying with us for a while." He explained. They'd already been briefed on the fact that a human was staying with them, but he must not have mentioned that Jasper and I were in a relationship. Jacob apparently didn't need any explanation, as he noticed Jasper's arm around my waist.

"Are you kidding me!?" He exploded, keeping a firm grasp around the petite girl on his lap who'd was staring at me with mild curiosity.

"It's not like that Jacob. She doesn't want immortality." Edward tried to calm down Jacob, who was now trembling slightly.

"But the risk you're putting her through Edward! She's still a human!" He could barely get his words out through his clenched teeth. I was hurt that Jacob was so perturbed by my presence, and spoke up to defend myself.

"I mean… if it helps I'm not fully human?" I ventured sheepishly. From the look on Jacob and Renesmee's faces I could tell no one had told them about this part either.

"I'm part vampire, my great grandad was one, so technically I'm 1/8th immortal." I added.

Jacob still looked perplexed, and his eyes flashed to Renesmee, who, instead of saying anything, simply placed the palm of her hand against Bella's face. Whatever she'd asked Bella, she simply nodded in reply. I didn't like not hearing what she was saying.

I appraised the girl, taking in her features. She was a perfect mix of Bella and Edward, but with brown eyes. She had waist length hair, which wasn't as bright as mine, I noted with a slight smugness. Normally I would have chastised myself for being so rude and vain, but it was the only thing I could find that made me feel better. She was flawless, skin the same colour as mine, sharing the pink in our cheeks that made us stand out from the full vampires.

The room was silent, the only sound coming from Jacob's heavy breathing. Jasper's arm tightened around my waist as Renesmee got up off Jacob's lap, appearing in front of me before I had chance to realise she'd even moved. Her chocolate brown eyes looked at me, apparently examining my face. Then she did something even more unexpected, and lifted her hand to my cheek, touching it softly.

An image flooded my mind, the two of us stood together, and focussed in on our height, our hair, skin and lips, and then I understood her curiosity. She thought we looked similar, and when I saw it through her eyes, I could understand why.

We were both tall, with red hair and porcelain skin, but we weren't as ice white as the vampires that had no blood in their flesh, we were both different.

My eyes flashed to Jasper, and then back to Renesmee, not sure what to say. Was she annoyed? Did she think I was trying to replace her? I couldn't understand why she'd highlighted our similarities. She was so much more beautiful than I ever would be, and we looked different in other ways; our eye colour, she was slightly slimmer than I was, and our faces were different shapes, mine slightly more heart shaped. I felt every single face in the room watching the two of us. I looked to Edward in panic, who only smiled. I relaxed slightly. Surely he'd let me know if Renesmee was not happy to have me in her house.

After only a few seconds of silence, she finally spoke.

"Hi Beatrice. It's nice to meet you, it's so cool to meet another hybrid!" She beamed.

I let out a huge sigh of relief, releasing a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding.

I smiled back, thankful that she didn't hate me.

"It's, um, nice to meet you to Renesmee. I've heard a lot about you." I said truthfully.

The girl rolled her eyes.

"Please, call me Nessie. Renesmee is such a mouthful." She ordered. I'm sure I saw Bella wince out of my peripheral vision.

"Nessie and Jacob were just telling us about their trip to Egypt to visit some friends of ours, do you want to join us?" Rosalie asked, thankfully changing the subject away from me. I simply nodded, and Jasper and I took a seat on the armchair, Jasper sat on the arm, as I lent into him. Renesmee skipped over to Jacob, retaking her position on his lap, and started to tell us all about some guy called Benjamin, and I tried to listen, but I couldn't shake Jacob's intense stare as he watched Jasper and I. What was his problem? Why was he so concerned about my humanity? Edward must have been paying attention to my thoughts, perhaps worried about Jacob's reaction too, and he gave me the same look he always does when he wants to explain something to me in private. _This ought to be good._ I sighed. Jasper noticed, and turned to the group, waiting for a pause in Nessie's story.

"I think Bea needs her sleep, she's shattered." He informed them. I wasn't _that_ tired, but I did want to escape and just relax with Jasper, my mind was whirring from everything that had happened since I walked through the door.

"I'm probably going to head to bed soon too." Renesmee replied. "I'll see you in the morning Bea." she smiled. I nodded back, too overwhelmed by her to do much else. Jacob's brow furrowed as he watched Jasper get up to leave too, clearly not approving of him being alone with me. He needed to get a grip. He's the one who imprinted on a _baby._ I shivered once, and said goodnight to everyone, as Jasper lead me upstairs, one hand holding mine and the other clutching my shopping bags.

When we made it to my room I threw myself onto my bed, revelling in the peace. Jasper chuckled at me.

"I could tell that was getting a bit much for you." He noted.

I nodded, in reply. "Can't they hear us?" I asked.

"They're all too entranced by Nessie, don't worry, we can talk freely."

"I just… I suddenly feel like I'm intruding on something, you know? Like, you're all her family, I'm just some random girl who you've taken in, and I'm still not quite sure why you did that." I rushed the words out, still worried the others might hear me.

Jasper came to sit down next to me, helping me out of my shoes as I tried to kick them off without undoing the straps first. Jasper always liked it when I wore heels, I was closer to his towering six foot three, and he didn't have to bend down quite as much to kiss me, and he liked to kiss me whenever he could. Not that I could ever complain about that.

"Bea, you are as welcome in this house as any of us." he said stubbornly, moving to sit next to me after he'd successfully wrestled my black shoes off.

"And, if you weren't so damn stubborn, you'd be a part of this family for as long as any of us will be." He raised his eyebrows to emphasise his point.

Jasper's attempts at me to abandon my humanity were a daily occurrence at this point, and were no more effective than each attempt before. I smirked at him, turning to lie on my side, my hair falling over my face slightly, but not enough to block my view of him.

"But I don't want that. Knowing my luck I'd be the one vampire that doesn't get more attractive when they change. I'd be stuck like this forever, no one wants that." I joked.

"Well," Jasper replied, "I personally don't think it is possible for you to get anymore attractive, so it wouldn't surprise me. However, that would be an incredible thing. I could look at your face for the rest of eternity and never get bored." He said so sincerely that I felt almost guilty.

"I guess you're just going to have to remember me as 'that human Jasper once dated' years from now when I'm buried six feet under." I teased.

Jasper closed his eyes, composing himself, clearly not appreciating the jokes about my fragile mortality.

"You don't get it Bea!" he replied, the volume of his voice shocking me as his eyes shot open, sitting up straight as he grabbed my hand. "We're meant to be together forever. Why can't you see that?"

His outburst shook me. He'd never been _this_ passionate about changing me, he'd never shouted at me.

"Jasper, you'll get over me eventually, everyone has to deal with heartbreak, vampires included." He shook his head, denying my promise.

"It's not that easy Bea. It's more than that." He was being cryptic, I could see he was hiding something from me.

"Then explain it to me Jasper? Just because I love you doesn't mean you'll never move on from me." Instead of some clever retort from Jasper like I'd learned to expect, he froze, his eyes locked with mine. I thought back through what I'd said in my outburst.

"Oh."

"You… you love me?" He looked so happy that any doubt I might have felt in that moment faded away instantaneously, and I nodded, biting my lip.

Jasper launched himself at me, throwing us across the room as his arms protected me from the force of the rapid movement. My legs were wrapped around his waist as he landed on the sofa, clinging to me tightly.

"I love you too." He murmured, his face buried in my neck as he inhaled deeply.

He must have felt the happiness radiating from me, because he seemed just as happy as I felt in that moment.

I couldn't deny that this felt like the most natural place for me to be; wrapped in the arms of this immortal that I loved, one hand tangled in his blond hair. I knew from the first moment I saw him that this was where I belonged. It might only be for a short fraction of his life, but for me, it would be everything. There was no way I could ever love anyone else this way. Jasper was the love of my life. No matter how short that would be.


	16. Chapter 16

"So, he's worried, like everyone else was, that I'm the new 'Bella'?" I repeated Edward's statement back, out loud.

"Pretty much. He looks at you and sees Bella before she became one of us. He's not particularly open to humans being changed, and I can't generally disagree with him there." Edward explained.

So Jacob didn't have a problem with me, he was but worried I was risking my mortality. It was pretty redundant to worry when I knew full well I would never change my mind. I wanted to live my life the way it should be lived.

Edward smiled at me, knowing my mind wouldn't be swayed.

"Jasper doesn't like that much does he?" He questioned, reading my mind.

"Nope. If it were up to him I'd be out hunting right now, starting our lives together for eternity." I joked, both of us knowing he would jump at the chance.

"Have you considered that maybe it's the fate you're destined for?" Edward ventured cautiously, raising one eyebrow slightly in trepidation.

A beat passed in complete silence, Edward's words settling in the air. I was speechless, trying to comprehend what he had said. That went against every moral he held.

"All I'm saying, is that it I was so dead set against not letting Bella become one of us, that my trying to protect her put her in so much danger. It turned out that she was meant to be one of us all along. Maybe there's a chance you should be too?"

Edward rarely shocked me, but he managed this time. I thought he of all people was on my side. I felt betrayal punch me in the stomach. I stared into his amber eyes.

"Don't you _dare_ say anything like that to Jasper." I ordered. I knew that if Jasper even had an inkling that Edward had started to see from his point of view too, then he would never stop trying to force me into their life forever.

"I'm not going to interfere in your relationship Bea. Just think about it." He said, before turning around and walking out of the room, leaving me to stand in the kitchen on my own, my mouth hanging open.

How could Edward betray me like that. It went against everything I knew about him.

I turned back to the counter, concentrating absentmindedly on making myself a smoothie for breakfast, but not being able to distract myself from what Edward had said. What had happened for him to change his mind like that? When we first met he was disgusted at the thought of another human being changed, yet all of a sudden Edward was on Jasper's side? There must have been something he'd seen or heard to trigger this, but what that was I didn't know.

"Morning Bea!" Nessie's voice ran clearly through the open plan kitchen, sounding more like she was singing than simply greeting me.

"Morning Ness. Do you want a smoothie?" I offered, gesturing to mine which had just finished blending. The porcelain girl wrinkled her nose at my offer, and politely declined, walking past me to the large white fridge, where she pulled out a bag of a thick red substance.

"Is that..?"

"Blood? Yeah. Much nicer than a smoothie!" She grinned. I was slightly taken aback: I'd always just presumed that Renesmee ate human food.

"I hunt animals most of the time, but Grandpa always keeps a bag or two around for me as a treat."

It took me a second to work out that 'Grandpa' was Carlisle. Twenty three years old and a grandpa to a seventeen year old. How bizarre. Then again, the whole family were bizarre.

Renesmee poured the sticky substance into a glass, and then took a long, satisfying gulp of the blood. I knew the normal reaction would be for my stomach to churn, drinking blood was just not normal. Yet my natural inclination for the substance wouldn't let me look away. I couldn't help but stare. The smell drew me in. It was almost fragrant.

Just as an idea was forming in my head, Renesmee must have had the same train of thought. She looked up from the now half empty glass, eyes shining.

"You've never tasted blood before, have you?" She hinted. I shook my head, unable to form words. I knew where this was going, and I didn't know if I wanted it to happen or not.

Renesmee held the glass out to me, insisting wordlessly that I take a sip. When I made no move to take the glass from her, she urged me more.

"Come on Bea, you're one of us, it's in your nature to drink it. Just one sip."

I hesitantly reached out, my shaking fingers wrapping around the cool glass. She let go, leaving me holding the blood. I looked into her eyes, seeing her encouragement and took a tentative sip of the inviting substance.

The blood hit my tongue, and instead of spitting it back out like any normal person would have, I felt something inside me that I'd never felt before. A deep, burning urge, and it was like I'd quenched a thirst I never knew existed. Without warning the glass was pulled away from me, and Nessie started giggling, which caused me to start to giggle too. I soon realised why she'd so abruptly pulled the glass away from me, when Carlisle walked into the kitchen, eyeing the two of us suspiciously as we stood smiling in the kitchen, Renesmee still clutching the nearly empty glass.

"Nessie, it's probably best you don't drink that around Bea, she won't want to see that." Carlisle suggested. If only he knew how off the mark he was. I was already craving more of the liquid, not in a manic way, more like when you take a single bite out of a freshly baked chocolate cake, and then someone takes that cake away from you, leaving it on the side right in front of you, taunting you.

"Also, don't you think it's a bit dangerous having blood out in the open with Jasper in the house?" He reminded us.

I always forgot how strong Jasper's bloodlust was. He was always so stable around me that I could forget that he desire nothing more than human blood.

"Sorry, I'll be more careful. I'm sure we don't want Bea to get too uncomfortable." Renesmee said sombrely. She turned her back to Carlisle and winked at me. She didn't seem to think it was weird that I'd tried drinking blood, which made me feel less uncomfortable with what I'd done.

"Beatrice, can you come with me for a minute?" Carlisle asked, giving an explanation as to why he'd come into the kitchen. Only Renesmee, Jacob and I actually use it, and Esme when she cooks for us, something she'd been looking forward to after Renesmee and Jacob had returned.

My heart stopped for a second, panicking that he knew what I'd done. I hadn't felt the rush of being caught out doing something since I was a child. After missing a beat my heart picked up at double pace.

"Why? What's up?" I replied.

"Just come with me." He ordered. He didn't look too serious, a small smile on his perfect face, which comforted me.

I glanced at Renesmee before I left, and she just giggled once more as, handing me my smoothie which I'd nearly forgotten, and then she winked.

I followed Carlisle down to the garage where the Cullens housed their six cars and two motorbikes. Except there was another motorbike in the corner, covered in a tarp, which I'm sure hadn't been there the day before.

"So, you said no car…" Carlisle ventured.

He didn't.

"Carlisle… did you buy me a motorbike?" I asked in disbelief.

Carlisle lifted up the blue tarp to reveal the most beautiful shining red motorbike. I wanted to get annoyed at him, for spending money when I told him not to, but I was just too overwhelmed by compassion and that he'd picked out this bike for me. It was perfect.

"You shouldn't have! Thank you so much!" I gushed.

"You're part of our family Bea. Let us treat you like one."

These people were everything I wanted in a family, Carlisle and Esme were the most loving parents I could ever ask for, and I loved them like my own family.

"Can I ride it today?" I was so excited to try out the bike, there was no way I could deny it.

"You'll have to if you want to go to college today I'm afraid. Alice says it's going to be sunny today, we're stuck here." Carlisle explained. I wanted nothing more than to spend the whole day lounging around with Jasper, but I couldn't risk my education for my relationship. Jasper would always be around but I can't afford to fail my course.

"I'm going to go and say goodbye to Jazz before I go. Thank you again Carlisle, I love I love it!" He wrapped me surprisingly soft hug, rubbing my back as he held me to his hard chest.

We walked back into the house, to see Jasper sat on the sofa, playing a video game with Emmett. Neither of them looked up.

"I'm gonna leave for college now guys, do you want to see my new bike before I go?" The excitement in my voice was almost palpable.

Emmett still didn't look up from the screen, he must have been winning.

"I'll see it later, if you manage not to crash it on your first ride." He teased.

"I'll have you know I've had a go on Jasper's bike before and I'm amazing!" I retorted.

"You are darlin', I want you to be careful though, bikes can be dangerous and you're a little more fragile than us." Jasper interrupted,p putting down his controller and walking over to me. Emmett snorted unattractively at Jasper's comment. Jasper ignored him, and wrapped his arm around my waist, directing me back towards the huge garages.

"I'll be fine Jasper, I've never crashed in my car, I won't on my bike either." I tried to comfort him. I mentally thanked myself for putting on jeans that morning. I shrugged on my leather biking jacket that Jasper had bought me when he realised how much I enjoyed going out on his bike with him all those months ago.

"Okay. Let me know when you get to campus. I love you." He placed the helmet onto my loose curls after kissing me chastely.

"I will. Have a great day honey, I'll be back as soon as I finish. I love you." I took once last look at my boyfriend, before I kicked my bike into gear, pulling my visor down, and rode out of the garage to begin the short journey to college.

The ride felt so freeing, winding down tree covered roads at 70 miles an hour, not having to think about anything but the path in front of me. I was forever indebted to Carlisle for so many reasons.

I parked over by my building that I had econ in, already missing the presence of Jasper and Alice, or any of the others for that matter. It felt like my first day again, I was unsure and alone. You see, I'd become friends with the Cullens so quickly I hadn't really socialised with anyone else during the past few months. I was only then realising how much of a mistake that had been on my part. I occupied myself by buying a coffee, my usual routine, but then looked around at the still empty campus at a loss. I was earlier than I'd thought.

I decided that standing outside in the cold wasn't the best option, as my toes slowly started to go numb. Sun did not equal warmth in Alaska it seemed. My lecture didn't start for another twenty minutes, so I headed inside to the lecture theatre. When I opened the door, noticing that it wasn't that much warmer inside than it had been out in the open, I realised another student was already in there, sitting a few seats down from my usual spot. She looked up when she heard me enter the room, and smiled shyly. It was the kind of smile where you know the other person has spotted you, and you'd look rude if you just ignored them. I smiled back, tentatively taking my place on the row.

"You're Beatrice right?" She asked. I took a moment to pause before I answered, taking in her caramel skin and long, sleek, black hair. She also had a nose ring and kind, brown eyes.

I wouldn't have called her beautiful, pretty maybe, but my opinion was slightly biased, what with the fact that I lived with the most beautiful people on the planet.

"Yeah… what's your name?" I asked sheepishly, slightly ashamed that she knew mine and I hadn't even noticed her before.

"Areesha." She didn't seem too offended by my blatant ignorance.

"I don't think I've ever seen you without one Esme the art teacher's children?" Clearly she was more observant than me.

"Probably not… I tend to stick to a small group of friends. Which has turned round to bite me on the arse now that they've gone camping for the day without me. I really need to interact with more people." I confessed, grateful to see Areesha laugh at my statement.

"Well I'm happy to be a stand in if you want? I don't really talk to many people, but I have two friends who I sit with at lunch, you're welcome to join us." She suggested. I was immediately thankful that this girl was willing to sit with me despite how little she knew about me. It was probably healthy for me to have some friends other than the Cullen's. People who were more like me.

"That would be amazing, seriously, thank you Areesha."

"No problem! We're going to a vegetarian restaurant off campus today, they serve the best garden burgers I've ever tasted."

"Oh are you vegetarian too?" I asked, already falling into easy conversation with her.

"No, I just don't eat non-halal food, so it's generally easier to go to veggie places. There aren't too many vegetarians here though, it's always empty." I laughed slightly at her comment, thinking about how the Cullen's refer to themselves as 'vegetarian'.

"There might be more than you think." I joked, and she just smiled back, not understanding my double meaning.

I sometimes forgot how I was privy to this world that no other human would ever know of. I was a part of something special which I was incredibly thankful for, because it brought me to Jasper, who was the love of my life. I considered the word 'vegetarian' in my head, a feeling of nausea sweeping over me when I remembered the events of the morning back in the Cullens kitchen. Had I really drank human blood? I was able to think soberly now that I was far away from Nessie and the absurdity of drinking blood, human or otherwise. I actually felt sick at the thought of what I had done. Carlisle and Edward would be disgusted at me. It's not like I was half vampire like Nessie, my link was so strained that it was barely a part of me. I shot up from my seat, throwing a sorry look to Areesha before sprinting out of the room, pushing pass the other students who had started to arrive. I had to get to the toilet. _ASAP._

I threw open to bathroom door, dropping to my knees in the first stall, and then threw up. I retched until I was dry heaving, the contents of my stomach emptied. It was then that I looked down into the toilet bowl, finally opening my eyes. My bile was dark red.

 **Sorry this was a bit of a nothing happens chapter, I promise it's all building up to something more interesting in the next few chapters, I just didn't want to get there too soon. Leave me a review if you're enjoying the story so far :)**


	17. Chapter 17

Areesha hadn't questioned my sudden departure, simply raised her eyebrows in concern when I finally composed myself enough to return. I nodded shakily at her in response, and she took my nod as confirmation that I was okay.

I sat down, my hands trembling at the exertion it took to remain composed. I couldn't control my racing heart beat, and for once I was grateful I wasn't in the presence of any vampires or Jacob. They would have noticed the rapid thumping of my heart and questions would have been asked. How would jasper react if he knew what I'd done? I couldn't work out whether he'd be appalled at me drinking human blood when I was mostly human, or elated at the thought of me embracing my vampiric tendencies.

I took a deep breath, a pitiful attempt to calm myself down. I couldn't concentrate on a word that was being said by my professor, I couldn't even comprehend anything other than the feeling deep in my stomach, the feeling of guilt and regret.

I met Areesha outside the main building at noon, she was sat on the bench texting someone, I presumed. I waited a few steps away, waiting for her to look up instinctively. After waiting for five seconds I realised that she didn't know I was there. I hadn't thought about how much I'd adapted to the Cullens and their nature. Any of them would have smelt or sensed me coming from way back. I cleared my throat awkwardly. This time Areesha looked up at me.

"Hey Beatrice, sorry, I didn't see you there. The others are meeting us there." She stood up as she spoke, hooking her bag over her shoulder.

"Cool. I hope this garden burger lives up to the expectation you've given me." I joked.

We fell into step with each other, chatting easily as we walked the short journey to the restaurant.

When we got there I looked for the two people we'd be meeting, but no one was outside. Areesha saw me looking around.

"They're inside, I think they ordered for us, I told them you'd be having the burger." She winked.

"Good! I'm starving." I grinned. It's true, my smoothie had ended up in the bottom of the toilet after I'd thrown it up this morning. The image of the bile sent a shiver through my body.

We walked into the restaurant, and I held the door open for Areesha and she followed me in, the warmth from the heating a welcome change from the bitterness of the outside chill.

There were two groups of people in the restaurant, one sat by the window made up of three professors from the college, and then further into the room, sat in a booth, was a guy with white blonde hair, and a girl with chocolate brown skin and dyed purple hair. They looked up when we entered, and the boy waved at Areesha, smiling happily.

I followed a step behind Areesha, not wanting to impose.

The guy jumped up, reaching across the plastic table to shake my hand.

"You must be Beatrice, I'm Chris, and this is Sophie."

He said, gesturing to the dark skinned girl, who waved shyly.

"Hi, thank you so much for letting me join you, it means a lot." I admitted. They all laughed.

"Don't be ridiculous Beatrice, it's only us. Nothing special." Areesha replied.

They might believe they were nothing special, but at that moment I was so relieved to not be sat on my own eating some bland sandwich in the cafeteria, that I was incredibly grateful for their welcome reception. I dropped my bag on the floor and slid in the booth next to Sophie, seeing they'd already ordered drinks too, four glasses of coke on the table.

"You're one of the Cullens aren't you?" Sophie spoke up for this first time, surprising me.

"Um, no?" I stuttered, surprise lacing my answer. Sophie could see her question had thrown.

"Oh." Her eyes grew wide. "I just- well you always drive in with them and you're never not with them. And, you, you know, you look just as, um…" Sophie couldn't word her reasoning out loud. What was she trying to say?

"You're incredibly hot too." Areesha teased, grinning at me. I was so glad she was already comfortable with me, even if what she said wasn't true.

I laughed loudly, accidentally spitting out the sip of my coke I'd just taken, luckily managing to cover my mouth just in time.

"You think I look like them?" I asked incredulously. They must need glasses. I mean, even I could see that I was nowhere near close to their beauty, and my vision wasn't quite perfect.

"You do! You've got the pale skin and you're like… really attractive. It's only the eyes that are… different." Chris backed up Sophie and Areesha. He was glancing at my blue eyes, apparently noting that I did not share the yellow irises my foster family did. I blinked once.

"I'm flattered guys, really. But I just live with them, I'm not related to any of them." I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that they thought I could be the Cullens' equal. I was far from it and always would be.

"Is it true you guys are like… together?" Chris asked.

"Chris!" Areesha chastised, clearly disproving of his blunt question.

"It's fine, honestly." I said to Areesha. "Yeah, kinda. There're there different families but they're all part of the same adopted family. It's not as weird as it sounds? I'm with Jasper who's actually a Hale, along with Rosalie." I said, wincing. It sounded weird to actually try to explain it out loud.

Luckily the food arrived just as I waited for their response, so we were momentarily distracted from the difficult topic. I hadn't wanted to try to explain the difference between the Hales, the Cullens and the Platts.

as I tucked into my food I noted that Areesha was right, the garden burger was delicious. Yet even as I finished the last bite, not even a fry left on my plate, I still felt hungry. My stomach was fit to burst I'd eaten so much, yet there was a burning hunger that I wasn't used to. One that sat in my throat, a dull dryness that no amount of soda would quench. And I knew exactly what it was causing it.

On my journey home I thought about the people who'd been so welcoming to me, hoping that I'd actually made some friends that I could just be normal with, not having to worry about bloodlust or immortality. Just… a human life. One I had surprisingly missed from my life in England.

Jasper was already waiting for me when I got home, stood outside the house. I grinned at him when I parked, pulling my helmet off and shaking my hair out. As Jasper walked closer to me I noticed his smile wasn't as genuine as mine. My stomach flipped. The light from the the sun had faded as the day drew on, yet his skin still glowed in the dimming light.

"Hey baby girl. How was college?" He asked.

I tried to keep my smile on my face, but I knew something wasn't right.

"It was good… I made some new friends." I replied slowly, waiting to see where he would take the conversation. He knew I was on to him.

"I think you should come inside. I need to talk to you, and so does Edward." Jasper said in a tone too serious, his pretence dropping. This was much more serious than I thought, Jasper had never spoken to me like that before. I didn't say a word, just dismounted my bike and approached the house, a step or two behind him.

He held the door open for me, gesturing for me to walk in, so I did as he wanted, slightly too scared to hesitate. I could feel my head in my throat.

I looked into the living room as I entered, Edward sat on one of the couches, his hands clasped in his lap, head bowed.

It was only when I got closer to him that he looked up, his face somber.

"Beatrice, can you sit?" He gestured to the sofa, to sit next to him. I did as he asked, perching I'm the she of the sofa, uncomfortable about the atmosphere of the room. Part of my mind wondered how the room felt to Jasper in that moment. He remained standing, his hands behind his back, stood straight, staring at me with a look I couldn't interpret.

"Beatrice… this morning, in the kitchen, you were with Renesmee, weren't you." Edward ventured. My stomach dropped, like I was on an intense roller coaster, unable to control the feeling of regret that laced my blood. They knew. Of course they knew, Edward will have seen it in Renesmee's mind. And even if he hadn't, he would have seen it in mine eventually.

My mouth wouldn't close, my breathing coming out in heavy gasps. My chest was heaving. All I could do was nod. For once I wished Jasper would use his ability to calm me down, because I was genuinely worried I was going to throw up again. Nothing is quite as terrifying as being found out when you've done something wrong. I was on the verge of a full blown panic attack.

Edward nodded at Jasper, muttering something too quickly for me to hear. I didn't need to hear though, because I felt a wave of calm wash through me, releasing the tight knot in my stomach slightly. I was grateful for the first time that my boyfriend had such an interesting talent.

"Beatrice we're not angry. We're just… worried. You've lived off human food for so long, we're not sure how your body is going to react." I thought back to that morning, my bile stained red as it sat in the bottom of the ceramic toilet. I watched Edward's eyes grow wide, and he looked even more concerned, A soft look on his face.

"We're going to have to talk to Carlisle." He said solemnly.

"No!" I cried, not wanting more people to know about my shame. "Edward please! I'm fine. It was a slip."

"Slip ups happen when you're a vampire Beatrice, but you're not. Why would you do this?" I knew Edward would see what had happened if I let the memory enter my mind, and I didn't want to blame Renesmee, but the more I tried to keep the image out of my mind, the more clear it became. My head shot up from where I was staring at my hands as they clasped each other too tightly, to see Edward's jaw clenched tightly, and his back straighten even more than it had been. He looked away from me, staring at the window.

In my head I'd seen Renesmee, teasing me, offering me the blood. Even pushing me when I hesitated. The thoughts just keep flowing freely once they'd started. Edward had seen it all.

I glanced at Jasper, who had clearly sensed Edward's change in mood. Before Jasper had chance to ask him what he'd seen that had shifted his emotions so rapidly, Edward was up and had left the room, disappearing upstairs.

"What did he see? He was angry. Really angry." Jasper was as confused as anyone would have been, I turned to face him, having had my back turned to him when I'd spoken to Edward.

"He saw Renesmee and I this morning. She convinced me to try the blood. She pushed me to. I didn't take much prompting but still, she gave me the glass and told me to try." I confessed, fully aware that Jasper could feel how uneasy I felt. It was easier talking about what I'd done when Edward wasn't there. He had such a 'holier than thou' vibe that got on my nerves sometimes.

"Renesmee did? She's such a troublemaker sometimes. Edward isn't going to like this." Jasper said, stating the obvious.

"Are… are you upset with me?" I questioned tentatively.

He shook his head slowly.

"No. You live in a house full of vampires. You're part vampire. It's part of your innate, deep desires. But what made you stop? Did you not like it?" He'd asked the question I'd hoped he wouldn't. I reached out to hold his hand, appreciating the ice cold temperature of his skin against my clammy palms.

"Carlisle came in to warn Renesmee that-that maybe it's not the best idea to be, um, to be drinking blood when you were in the house." My breath was coming out too steadily, like I was making an effort to not show my nerves. I didn't take my eyes away from Jasper.

"They are never going to trust me, are they? What will it take. My last slip up was thirteen years ago! And even then I didn't actually taste her blood." Jasper's voice was laced with anger, it was almost enough to scare me for once.

"Her?"

"Bella." He spat. Jasper had tried to kill Bella. No one had ever told me about that. My blood ran cold. Suddenly Jasper's cold hands were too much for me. I pulled my hands away, wanting to warm them up, but Jasper took my movement as something else.

"No one understands it Bea. I gave up my lifestyle for them, so I could be a part of this family. And then they invite a human into our house and she cuts her finger. It's my nature. I attacked her Bea. But they stopped me. I didn't even have chance to think before I acted. And then Edward pushed Bella into a shelf, she smashed a vase, and there was blood everywhere. Suddenly I was surrounded by four vampires who were ravenous. I didn't just feel my hunger, I felt all of theirs. But I let them push me away. I could have pushed them off, I'm a better fighter than any of them. But they don't see it that way. The see me as weak. Like they've never slipped up…" he scoffed.

Jasper had never opened up about his desire for blood, and I was left speechless. The Cullens had hurt him with their lack of trust. But he was strong. Stronger than they realised.

"So you see Beatrice; I could never blame you for your slip up. It's beyond your control." I took one shaky breath and placed my hand on his cheek, stroking his high cheekbone with my thumb.

"You're the strongest person I know Jasper. I love you, okay? I will love you no matter what. You're my world now. They might not trust you as much as they should, but I do." My forehead rested against his as I spoke barely above a whisper.

"I love you too Bea. Thank you, not just for trusting me but for everything." Jasper pulled back slightly kiss my forehead gently.

"But we do need to talk Carlisle. He should know."

I knew he was right, but the thought still made my stomach lurch.

"Carlisle will not judge you Bea. You'll be okay. You don't have to be there, I know it's difficult for you." I looked away from Jasper's eyes, not able to look at him when the memory of how the blood tasted as it quenched my previously unnoticed thirst resurfaced.

Jasper's whole body tensed.

"You really did like it, didn't you?"

My silence said more than any words ever could have.


	18. Chapter 18

"Bea! We need to start getting ready, the wedding is in two hours and you haven't even brushed your hair!"

I turned to apologise to the tiny brunette who sounded like she was stood in the doorway, tapping her foot impatiently. As much as I wanted to start getting ready, the thought of having to leave my bed, and Jasper for that matter, was not a pleasant one.

"I'll only need thirty minutes Alice, let me sleep." I mumbled into Jasper's chest. I was thankful that I was wearing my pyjamas for once, not that Alice and I weren't so comfortable that she wouldn't even flinch if I were butt naked when she walked in.

"Bea I swear to God if you don't get out of bed in the next thirty seconds you will be walking down that aisle in your pyjamas with no makeup on." She warned.

"That's cool with me." I replied. Jasper's chest moved up and down as he laughed out loud at my protests. His arm that was wrapped around me loosened slightly, to which I groaned.

"She's serious Bea, I'm genuinely scared that she'll drag you out of this bed by your ankles if you don't get up." He murmured into my hair.

With another groan I rolled onto my back, throwing my arm over my eyes, blocking out the daylight streaming through the glass.

I was about to ask for five more minutes before I dragged myself out of my safe haven of a bed, but Alice had scooped me into her skinny arms, before I knew it had transported me to the end of the hall and to her bedroom, where Rosalie was sat on her redundant bed, Renesmee by her side. None of them had makeup on either, but they'd at least managed to brush their hair.

Rosalie walked over to me to pull me into a hug.

"Kind of you to join us." Rosalie teased, taking a strand of my tangled red hair into her delicate hand, tugging it slightly to make a point.

"In my defence, you don't need sleep." I said, still half asleep.

"No but Nessie does, and she's not complaining about being up." I turned to glance at Nessie, who had only just forgiven me for the Edward finding out the full details of the blood debacle, even though I had no way of hiding that from, you know, a mind reader? The three days after Edward shouted at her were awkward for all of us, with Renesmee acting more like an actual seventeen year old for once after being scorned by her father.

Rosalie was right, Renesmee didn't look at all tired. I was pretty sure I looked like I hadn't slept in days. Rosalie and Alice had purple shadows under their eyes, yet still looked flawless.

"Not been getting much sleep have you Bea?" Rosalie raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Jasper is damaging your sleep schedule."

"My sleep schedule is just fine." I humphed, crossing my arms.

"The bags under your eyes say otherwise. Which is exactly why I need you to sit down so I can get to work." Alice interrupted our light conversation.

She insisted on doing my makeup first, claiming I'd need most work. I wanted to protest but it was just fact really. When Alice had finished my hair and makeup I examined myself in the floor to ceiling mirror, pleasantly surprised at the woman I saw before me.

My eyes were wide and awake- somehow- and a pale peach eyeshadow swept across my lids. My skin seemed smooth as silk and a pink blush painted my complexion. My bright auburn hair fell in soft waves down my back, the front half braided and twisted away from my face.

I wanted to watch as Alice did the same for Renesmee so I sat on her bed, and then watched as she turned to do Rosalie, her hands so delicate and her movements precise. She took less time perfecting them, because perfection can't be improved upon. I missed most of the chatter, trying not to fall asleep, my head resting on the headboard as I forced my eyes open. I even considered sneaking off the find Jasper, but I was afraid Alice might kneecap me if I did.

I faded in and out of paying attention, until Alice dragged me up from the bed, pulling my robe off me without a word, and quickly replacing it with an ice blue, silk dress that fell to the floor. I couldn't keep track of her movements, even if I was fully awake.

"Can someone please get Bea a black coffee?" Alice said at a normal volume, knowing someone, somewhere in the vast house would hear, with thirteen vampires hanging around. I rolled my eyes at her clear lack of faith in me staying awake, but I was secretly looking forward to some caffeine.

She then turned away from me, busying herself with clothing Renesmee, who was dressed in a dark silver gown that flattered her slim figure in ways that I could only dream of. It had a low back and skimmed her shoulder with a straight neckline. She smiled when she saw me admiring her.

"You look beautiful Bea!" She said genuinely.

"So do you Nessie, that colour suits you so much."

"Yeah yeah you all look beautiful come on, it's time." Alice interrupted our compliments. Alice on a mission was a scary thing to witness.

My eyes then found her, wearing a dress that was similar to mine, but of course it looked better on her. The only difference was the plunging neckline, her tiny frame almost fragile looking. However it wasn't Alice I was properly paying attention to. It was Rosalie, who was wearing a tightly fitted, sweetheart neckline white gown. It was simple, no beading or lace, just ivory silk, that cascaded down her flawless form. I didn't think Rosalie could be anymore beautiful than she was in day-to-day life, yet somehow she managed it.

Emmett was such a lucky man. The only time I'd seen Rosalie as happy as she was as she stood in her wedding gown was when I told her I'd have a baby for her.

My hand fell to my stomach at the thought. We'd picked a sperm donor, a gentleman with thick brown, curly hair like Emmett's, and blue eyes like Rosalie had had as a human. We started he insemination in just two weeks when they returned from their honeymoon. We'd planned the birth just right, so I wouldn't be showing too much until I'd left college for summer break.

Rosalie caught my movement, and her eyes softened. She hadn't said anything out loud, as only her, Emmett and Edward knew. We'd been keeping it a secret until the baby was a definite. I planned on telling Jasper next, once Rosalie and Emmett left and before the process had begun.

Carlisle appeared at the door, softly watching the four of us. His two daughters, his granddaughter… and the stray they'd temporarily taken in.

"Rosalie, you look beautiful." He beamed, clearly holding so much love for his blonde daughter. She smiled sweetly in reply, as Carlisle handed me a cup of hot coffee, which I started to gulp down, not caring about the slight burning sensation.

"And Bea, I have to say, you do look like one of us. Like a part of the family." He said, turning to look directly at me. I was warmed at the thought, I'd never considered myself even close to looking like I belonged with them, but I liked hearing it, and I knew Carlisle wouldn't lie. I was mid gulp as he spoke, so just smiled in reply.

"Shall we? Fifth time's the charm eh Rosalie?" He teased, looping his arm through hers.

Renesmee made her way down the stairs first, leaving Rosalie's bedroom, and I followed her, with Alice behind me. Alice ran in front of me, grabbing the mug from my hands and glaring at me.

"Bea, you really think you can walk down the aisle with a cup of coffee in your hand?" She scolded. I grinned sheepishly at her as she pushed me towards the stairs again, this time minus the coffee. I'd drank nearly all of it anyway.

Carlisle and Rosalie were the last to leave the room. We walked through the house, out to the patio doors than opened up onto the garden.

I made it to the aisle outside, that was littered with pale pink rose petals and tea lights. It wasn't sunny, but a warm glow was emitted from the heaters that had been suspended from the canopy above us, solely for my benefit. Alaska in February was brutally cold.

It was only a small ceremony. The Cullens and their friends the Denali coven were the only ones there, with Jacob sat amongst them, his russet skin standing out amongst the pale skin and yellow eyes, deceptively normal amongst the startling beauty.

There was a brief pause, and the music started to surround us as Edward began playing the piano: I'd offered to play my cello, but Rosalie had insisted I was a bridesmaid.

I caught Jasper's eye as I walked down the aisle, and he smiled, the tiniest smile, unable to take his eyes off me. I would never get over the way he looked at me, like I was everything he'd ever need in the world.

We reached the end of the aisle, taking our seats at the very front of the two rows.

The ceremony was short, ending with Emmett kissing Rosalie a little too passionately, but no one was expecting anything otherwise. We all clapped as the beautiful couple embraced, and I turned to smile at my boyfriend at the display of happiness. I felt the slightest twinge of regret knowing that that would never be us.


	19. Chapter 19

Jasper and I stood together, swaying gently to the music that whirled around us. His eyes never left mine, and the intenseness of his gaze left me breathless. I still couldn't grasp the fact that this beautiful man loved me. He could have any woman he wanted, yet he chose me. As if to prove my point Tanya glided past me, dancing with Carlisle. The two looked like a god and goddess from Ancient Greek mythology. They were ethereal looking, but I was yet to meet a vampire that wasn't.

I rested my head on Jasper's shoulder, breathing in his scent. It was more incredible than any aftershave I'd ever smelt.

I felt more content than I had in the past few years of my life. I was surrounded by people I loved and who loved me. Even the Denali's and Garrett were incredibly welcoming and each greeted me with a hug. I'd bonded with Garrett, who intrigued me with tales of war and struggle. It was amazing that these people around me had lived through some of history's most notorious wars and revolutions. Yet they remained some of the kindest, bravest people I would ever meet.

I looked around at them all, and could sense no change in their demeanour or energy, they could keep dancing and talking and celebrating all night without even beginning to tire. I couldn't imagine that life, no sleep, no respite, just constant awareness and no escape from it.

"Hey darlin' are you okay? You seem miles away?" I heard Jasper whisper in my ear.

"I'm fine honey, it's just been a long day." I confessed. I felt weak around them sometimes, the fragile human who couldn't keep up, always needed extra care and attention. But despite all this, I knew in any other situation, I would be the one who was 'normal'. They were the ones who were the exception.

"Do you want to call it a night? Nessie and Jacob have already gone to bed." I hadn't realised until he'd said, but when I looked I couldn't see the couple anywhere. That made me feel slightly less fragile.

I nodded, my hands wrapping around Jasper's waist as we continued to sway gently.

"I love you Jasper, so much." I whispered.

He kissed me head, and said "I love you too Bea. You're everything to me."

I found Rosalie and Emmett to say goodnight to them, and to wish them a happy honeymoon.

Rosalie saw I was walking over to them, Jasper staying to talk to Esme, and she ran over, pulling me into an affectionate hug, which prompted Emmett to pull the both of us into his huge chest, encasing us into a group hug. I giggled, feeling a little silly, but knowing they both loved me enough to be this comfortable with a human.

"You guys looked so beautiful today, I'm so happy for you. And I'm a little jealous you're getting to escape from Alaska for a bit. I'm starting to forget what the sun looks like." They were headed to South Africa to stay in a private villa in the middle of nowhere, apparently Emmett was excited to try hunting some different wild animals. Bears were getting too boring according to him.

"We'll be back before you know it. I promise." Rosalie replied, her hand flitted over my stomach for the briefest of seconds. Not long now until there'd be a tiny version of myself in there. My eyes started to well up slightly at the thought of Rosalie and Emmett as parents of a child that _I'd_ given them.

"Good. It'd get boring without Emmett bullying me every other minute." I choked, kissing them both on the cheek before smiling again, and slipping away into the house, knowing the Denali clan would still be around in the morning for me to say goodbye to. I couldn't say goodnight to them when I was so emotional.

I slipped off my dress as I entered my room, grateful to finally be able to remove the constricting fabric. I knew I had a few moments before Jasper said goodnight to his family to wind down, so I took of my makeup and removed the pins from my hair, letting it fall over my chest.

The underwear Alice had insisted I wore matched the dress in colour and fabric, ice blue silk, which cost nearly as much as the cello Jasper had bought me. The Cullens didn't understand monetary value.

I looked at my body in the ornate mirror in my bathroom, moonlight making me look ghostly pale and completely smooth. Silk on silk.

Jasper finally escaped from the wedding party, appearing at my bedroom door. His bow tie was undone, his jacket left somewhere else in the building. He looked perfectly disheveled. I could see his slow, heavy breaths as his chest moved up and with his needless breathing.

We were comfortable with each other, our bodies familiar and comforting, but still just as exciting as when we first met. We explored every inch of each other over the past few weeks, touching and teasing. I'd marvelled in silent awe the first time I'd seen Jasper naked. I'd never noticed the scars that covered his otherwise perfect form. We were lying in bed together, limbs entwined in bliss, when the sun shone through the open window of my bedroom, the whole glass wall opened up. We were taking advantage of the fact that the rare sun kept Jasper inside all day. The sunshine reflected off his entire body, filling the room with light refractions. The scars from his time battling the vampires in the South were highlighted, crescent marks littering his entire body. I traced each mark, silently cursing any vampire that ever tried to hurt him. I touched one on his neck, focusing on the mark.

"That one is more recent than the others you know?" He mumbled, breaking the silence.

"It was when Victoria created the army to try and kill Bella. One of the newborns got me." He confessed. I frowned at the thought of him experiencing such pain, not realising that vampire teeth could break their skin.

I was brought back from my memories by Jasper threading his fingers through my hair, and his cold lips touching my neck. My head lolled back, the feeling like nothing I'd ever experienced. We'd still not gone all the way. I was pretty sure that if we'd tried Carlisle would genuinely run in right while we were fucking and pull us off each other. And I didn't fancy that, funnily enough.

We'd not been left alone since we'd started dating, someone was always in the house. It was like they didn't trust us.

Jasper ran his hands down my sides, and I started to unbutton his shirt, pushing the fabric off his broad shoulders. I rested my hands on his chest as Jasper continued is assault on my neck. I wondered how strongly he could feel my pulse as his lips touched me. I did sometimes wonder whether I was pushing him too far.

Jasper's lips found mine, but the kiss wasn't as heated as I thought it would be, instead he pulled back and placed his hand on my cheek, cupping my face softly.

"You know Bea, seeing you today in the dress… you could have been one of us. All you need are the yellow eyes and people wouldn't know the difference."

The way Jasper spoke was casual, but I could see the layers of want and pain underneath.

"I think people would notice the normal looking person amongst the most beautiful people they've ever seen." I argued, raising an eyebrow. Jasper eyes looked me up and down, appraising me.

"Darlin' no one could ever call you normal. You're absolutely beautiful and that is a fact."

I shook my head, but decided to not argue with him, as he never gave in.

"I love you Jasper. Thank you for not leaving me out on the street to starve." I joked, thinking back to the day that they had breached the idea of living with them.

"I would never have let any harm come to you. In any way." He replied, pulling me close to his chest, and I couldn't have escaped from his grasp if I wanted to.

"Mhm, what if we'd met thirteen years ago? And if I hadn't been part vampire?" I questioned.

Jasper's face was thoughtful.

"I think… I would have tried my absolute best to stay away from you, and… well, it would probably have ended badly. I would never have had the self control to stay away from you." He confessed, brow furrowed. He wasn't looking at me but staring at the white wall behind me.

"Well it's a good thing we met when did, isn't it." I comforted, kissing his chest.

"It sure is baby girl. No matter how tasty you are, it wouldn't have been worth it." He joked, pretending to nip at my neck.

"I'm tasty, am I?" I asked in surprise.

"Most definitely. In more ways that one." I was pretty sure he actually growled, and the sound sent a shiver of pleasure through my body, as I pressed my body closer to his. I would never get enough of him.

Jasper crushed his mouth to mine, his arms holding me close. I moved my lips with his, suddenly feeling weightless as he picked me up, holding my thighs as I wrapped them around his hips, our lips never leaving each other's. Jasper moved us so that my back up against a wall, but which one I wasn't sure. The thrill of Jasper's rock hard, ice cold body between my legs and pressed against my chest meant I was much more awake than I had been thirty minutes ago. Jasper pressed into me more, and I gasped at the sensation, he took advantage of my open mouth and sucked on my bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth.

We had to be so careful when we were intimate, Jasper's teeth were razor sharp and coated in venom. The tiniest slip would be a disaster.

I was losing myself in the sensation of Jasper's movements, his lips still persistent, when we heard a musical laugh coming from outside. It was Alice, who was stood outside, covering her eyes with one hand, as the wall we were pressed up against was in fact the window, and Alice had been wandering round the back of the house.

Before I could react Jasper had pulled me away from the window, throwing me onto the bed. I immediately began to giggle at the situation, lying on the bed with my arms clutched around my stomach as laughter took over my body.

"First Emmett, now Alice. Are we working our way through the family?" I managed to say, between hysterical laughter.

"I think enough people have walked in on us now Bea, let's not make a habit of it?" He replied, he was stood at the foot of my bed, arms crossed in embarrassment.

"Oh come on. It's Alice. She's seen it all before!" I protested.

"Please don't remind me." He groaned, climbing into bed with me and pulling into his arms, the duvet now between us to protect me from the cold.

"Hey, at least it wasn't Carlisle."

"Very true. No one wants their dad, real or not, to see that."

"We'll be more careful then. To avoid anymore embarrassing for you." I winked, kissing him on his cheek.

"Greatly appreciated."


	20. Chapter 20

Rosalie and Emmett had been away for nearly a week now, and the house had been strangely empty without them. I missed the couple more than I would have thought.

My last class of the day had finished, which I shared with Bella, and we left the room together, chatting about the assignment we'd be set for that week.

In the corridor I bumped into Areesha and Sophie, saying hi to them. They'd met Bella before, after I'd introduced them two days before. They were still intimidated by her, but Bella was quiet due to shyness, not because she thought herself above them.

"How was your biology lab?" She asked, and Areesha answered.

"Not too bad. We're studying onion root."

Bella smiled slightly to herself, clearly appreciating some hidden joke.

"Are you still on for lunch tomorrow Beatrice?" Sophie asked, including me in the conversation, knowing I didn't care for biology.

"Yep. The usual?"

"Of course." She grinned. Our lunches at the veggie restaurant were fast becoming a tradition, and it was nice to spend lunch with people who actually ate. I hadn't drank blood since that day in the kitchen, but I couldn't ignore the feeling of power I'd felt when I'd tried it. Even if the thought itself disgusted me.

"Sounds great, we'll see you tomorrow. I'll let Chris know to meet us there." Sophie said, seeing we'd reached the car park.

Sophie and Areesha both lived on campus so had no need for a car. They eyed our convoy our vehicles that had accompanied us to college, with Edward's Volvo parked next to Jasper and I's bikes.

"Bye guys." I waved, as they walked towards the dorms, leaving me with Bella to wait for Alice, Jasper and Edward.

"We're going to go hunting on the way back Bea, it's just going to be you and Jasper at home, Nessie and Jake are meeting us there." Bella informed me. It must have been a recent decision because they can't have realised that for the first time since I met them, they'd be leaving Jasper and I alone.

"That's fine Bella! You guys take you time!" I said, with perhaps slightly too much eagerness.

The other three had joined us by now, Edward paying too much attention to Bella to notice my thoughts, as he kissed her chatsley on the cheek.

"Hey darlin', ready to head home?" Jasper asked me, as he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his side

"I am, I've got so much work to do. I've got an Econ deadline tomorrow and I've still got a thousand words to do." I sighed. Home alone with Jasper and I'd be spending a few hours sat at a desk working.

I also had another task to accomplish, which was telling Jasper about the baby. The insemination was only a week away, and I couldn't go ahead with it without him knowing. I was sure he'd be okay with it, he loves Emmett and Rosalie as much as I do. At least it wasn't a half vampire baby. No risks that any pregnant woman wouldn't deal with.

"No problem baby girl. I've got some work to do too." He said, placing my helmet onto my head, as I shrugged my leather jacket on.

"Yeah because that will take you all of two minutes." I said, rolling my eyes even though he couldn't see behind the black tinted glass.

I climbed onto my red bike, waving goodbye from the seat of the motorbike to the other three.

Jasper pulled away first, and I followed behind him, picking up speed as we reached the road. Jasper raced ahead of me, as he was much more experienced on his bike than I was. Still, I pushed forward, nearly reaching the speed limit as Jasper disappeared round the corner.

It was five minutes after we'd left college, Jasper now far out of sight. I didn't mind though, I knew he enjoyed riding and wouldn't ever try to get him to keep to my pace when he was having so much fun.

It was at that exact second that three things happened at once. First, a deer jumped out from the side of the road, stopping dead in front of me. This caused me to swerve, losing control of my bike as I tried to miss the deer. And finally, I registered my phone, which was ringing in my pocket, the vibrations the last thing I noticed before I was thrown off my bike, hitting the rocks by the side of the road with so much force that my head cracked, and then my vision went completely white.

"Bea!? Beatrice!?" A voice is screaming my name, a male voice. It's unlike anything I'd ever heard. The voice was drenched in fear and panic. It was Jasper. I'd recognise that voice anywhere. But I'd never heard him sound so worried. What was wrong? I was fine. There was a slight sting on the right side of my head, but the rest of me wasn't in pain. In fact, I felt nothing. My entire body was numb. _The bike._ I'd fallen off trying to not hit the deer in the road. This didn't explain why I couldn't feel my body.

I wanted to sit up, but my body wouldn't oblige. All I could do was open my eyes. Everything was white for a moment, before my eyes focused on Jasper, who looked like he was crying, but no tears coated his beautiful face.

"Bea! Bea I'm so sorry. I should never have left you." He sobbed, heaving breaths leaving his open mouth.

"I can't feel my body Jazz. I can't move." I slurred, feeling my consciousness wavering. Jasper's hand moved from my face, but I couldn't feel where they were on body. I didn't have enough energy to panic, I just let the feeling of nothingness start to steal me away again. My eyelids were flickering as I started to lose myself.

Jasper's hands were back on my face, and I smiled as his face came back into my view. He was so beautiful.

"Beatrice I need you to stay with me!" He cried.

"I can't Jazz. I feel tired. I'm sorry." I whimpered.

"Don't you dare apologise to me! This is my fault. Bea I… I can't lose you. I'm so sorry." He wasn't talking about me like he was losing me; It was like he was regretful. He was apologising to me. I was slipping rapidly now, not able to cling onto consciousness. And I still couldn't move. I was dying. Rapidly. Suddenly Jasper's words and tone made sense to me.

"No!" I screamed, the last part of my consciousness protesting.

My vision was gone now, all my senses had abandoned me.

All I could manage to do was move my mouth, trying to stop Jasper with a constant stream of weak 'no's leaving my mouth. I couldn't thrash or even try to push him off me. I was standing on a ledge, about to fall. it wasn't death I was protesting, it was an inevitable part of living. It was normal. I'd hoped to have more time with Jasper, but my time was over a lot sooner than I'd ever wanted. Yet I was still thankful. Thankful that I had spent the last five months with such a beautiful, loving man and his family. My last few months on this Earth were happy ones. I was no longer able to talk, my last moment of consciousness was gone. _I_ had gone.

The feeling of nothingness was strangely pleasant. If that was death I could take it.

Then there was pain. It cut through my clouded mind, chasing away any feeling of peacefulness.

It wasn't like any pain I'd ever experienced in my life, it was something new. The sensation was all consuming, and I vaguely recognised the origin of the pain coming from my neck. I couldn't comprehend anything more, because the pain was spreading. It started to grow. I didn't even think that that was possible. I wanted to sink back into unconsciousness, missing the sensation of feeling nothing.

I wanted to scream, but my body was too broken. I vaguely felt my heartbeat, weak in my chest, stuttering to keep beating. I urged it to give up, to lose the battle, desperate for the fire in my veins to be put out. Yet it raged on, white hot and scalding as it destroyed my body.

The only explanation I had for the pain was that somehow my bike had set fire, encompassing me in the flames too. I still couldn't feel my body, just the pain. Unbearable agony. Still, I could not scream.

The pain still grew stronger, over the hours that passed. I presumed it was hours, but it could have been seconds, or even days. I had no concept of time. Was I still by the road, broken and on fire? Surely no fire could burn for this long. I would be nothing but charred bones and ash.

More hours passed, the pain never subsiding. But it was as the seconds ticked by that I realised I could now hear a clock. I was inside. How could I be if I were on fire? Maybe this was the feeling of all the bones in my body been broken. The pain still seemed too much, even for that. I'd broken my arm once when I was 7, and at the time the pain was unimaginable, yet it was nothing compared to the agony of the fire in my veins.

I listened harder, and picked up on three sets of deep breaths. Heavy and thick. I hadn't felt my body for the length of the fire, and I wish that the sensation had lasted longer. Even for one more second. Because then I could feel my limbs, and the pain grew to become even hotter, scalding my veins. I discovered that my functions were now slowly returning, including my vocal chords. I couldn't form any words, but I could force a scream of pain from my charred lips. The scream was violent and did nothing to relieve the pain, yet it was better than doing nothing. I couldn't just lie still as my body was destroyed.

The breathing stopped, all three people shocked by my shriek.

"She's okay Jasper. It's working." It was Carlisle. I recognised his smooth as silk voice, somehow more clear than I'd heard before.

"I can't watch this Carlisle. It's killing me."

Jasper cried. He was here with me, watching as I was burnt alive by the pain inside of me.

"You should Jasper. You chose to do this to her." Edward. So that was the third person in the room with me. What were they all doing here? Was Carlisle helping with my broken body? My heartbeat which had been thumping a steady rhythm, began to falter once again, like it was struggling to keep up. Part of me was grateful; it appeared the fire was finally too much for me. I was dying once again.

"She's not going to be happy Jasper. She didn't want this." Carlisle warned. Want what? Who would want to be in so much pain? My heart was fluttering now, reaching the end of it's beating as it slowly gave in. I listened closely, surprised that I could hear my heart beat, not just feel it. I then focused harder, and realised I could hear hushed voices talking, not from anywhere near me though. They were far away, yet I could still hear the female voices worriedly discuss something. It was Alice and Esme.

"She doesn't know what you've done to her." Edward said solemnly.

I was trying to put the puzzle pieces together in my head, their words slowly starting to make sense. I screamed again, desperate for the pain to leave me. All I could do was scream, so that's what I did. Endless screams of terror and pain. The voices I could hear all went silent once more, listening to me. Even if I weren't screaming they could hear me. Vampires could hear anything nearby. Like someone whispering from across the other side of the house… or a human heart beat. Or someone's breathing.

The pain was leaving my limbs, my toes and fingers becoming free, and I was thankful for a split second, until I felt the pain in my heart intensify instead. The pain was leaving my limbs but centering in my heart.

Deep down I knew what was happening to me. I'd heard the stories. I knew what they'd all been through. And I was experiencing it too.

I finally found my voice, screaming a strangled 'no' over and over, my body beginning to thrash uncontrollably as my heart could no longer cope.

"Esme! Alice!" Carlisle called out, and I felt four pairs of strong yet warm hands hold me down. One hand touched my face, the intention of the touch clearly meant to be gentle, but my body reacted differently. I writhed against the hold on me, desperate to escape the constraining grips.

Jasper had betrayed me. He couldn't just let me die, instead he killed me himself, he was too selfish to just let me die like I had wanted. He ruined me.

"Jasper I think you should leave the room." Edward spat, the hands never leaving my face.

"I'm staying Edward! I'm not leaving her!" Good. Let him stay. He should see what he's done to me.

I screamed once more, my heart now beating impossibly fast, the pain where hot and scalding. And then nothing. Absolute stillness. The pain was gone. Leaving a dull burning in my throat. Thirst.

The hands were gone, even the ones on my face. This was the right decision.

I opened my eyes to see I was in Carlisle's study, lying on what felt like a plastic bed. The bright light above me wasn't enough to block out the details of the bulb that emitted it, I could see everything. The dust motes of the room fluttered around me, the only movement in the otherwise still room. I could see a colour I'd never noticed with my human eyes. A sight I could happily have lived my short life without. This was not what I wanted.

No one dared breathe.

I wanted to move to the other side of the room, not trusting any of the vampires in the room. All traitors.

As soon as the thought entered my head I was gone, my back facing the corner of Carlisle's office. I could see them all now, glancing at me with worry. Their faces were so much more beautiful with my new eyes. Human eyes did not do them justice.

My eyeline found Jasper, but I could focus on all of them at once if I'd wanted to. Jasper caught my attention for two reasons. He didn't share the look of concern that everyone else wore. He looked… happy.

"Bea…" he whispered, as if in awe.

I hissed, the noise shocking me.

But that wasn't the worst part. It was the scars that covered him, now clear on his otherwise perfect skin. They littered his entire body, so clearly obvious with my new eyes. If I could have seen him this was with my human eyes then I would have known all along that I should have stayed away from him. The scars were warning signs. He was dangerous. And I'd trusted him.

A growl built up, from deep inside me, ripping out from between my teeth, Esme flinched.

"Beatrice. You're safe." Carlisle said from the right of me, stepping forward. I didn't trust him. He was blocking my path to Jasper. Edward grabbed Carlisle by his arm, yanking him backwards at the exact same second that Alice gasped. She'd seen my next move.

I launched myself at Jasper in one swift movement, another growl leaving me, as my teeth were bared, and my hands reached to wrap around his throat.


End file.
